Category Archives: Lessons from my Youth

A Cure for Emotional Malignancy

Watch the video above before reading further….


“The mind does not act only through conscious choices…many of its effects are achieved directly on the body’s tissues, without any awareness on our part.”

This is a quote from Dr. Bernie Siegel’s book Love, Medicine & Miracles. In reading his book a second time (I first read it while going through therapy for childhood sexual abuse), I find his suggestions, ideas and research have a lot of merit. I believe my own mother developed Alzheimer’s in the same way that his book suggests many people develop cancer.

“One of the most widely accepted explanations of cancer theory states that cancer cells are developing in our bodies all the time but are normally destroyed by white blood cells before they develop into dangerous tumors. Cancer appears when the immune system becomes suppressed and can no longer deal with the routine threat. It follows that whatever upsets the brain’s control of the immune system will foster malignancy.” ~ Bernie Siegel, MD Love, Medicine & Miracles

It is my belief that malignancy does not have to be cancerous. We cause malignancy of mind and wellness when we refuse to forgive and harbor anger or hatred. When we see ourselves as victims of circumstance rather than searching for ways to be victorious over our circumstances, we develop malignancies of character. We don’t empower ourselves, but actually undermine our God-given power.

“The body responds to the mind’s messages…these may be either ‘live’ or ‘die’ messages.” Besides the fight-or flight response, we also have a “die” mechanism that brings us closer to death when we feel our life is not worth living. ~ Bernie Siegel, MD Love, Medicine & Miracles

My mother is 87 years old. She has lived a life of sadness, fear, and heartbreak. That alone does not cause malignancy. It is holding onto the sadness, fear and heartbreak that cause, first our mind to be depressed, then our physical body to take hold of a “die” mentality. I’ve seen it! I’ve lived with my mother, and I witnessed rare times when she escaped her challenges and focused instead on helping someone else with their challenges.

Perhaps the only way my mother had to escape the regrets in her life was to forget. Why wouldn’t anyone with the same experiences want to forget? There have certainly been times in my life when I wished for emotional Alzheimer’s. How wonderful it would have been to forget all the hurt and pain.

I realize all of us live through tough times, but the difference between my mother and me is that I have learned to forgive and let go of the sadness, fear and heartbreak. I don’t want to forget it, because every experience has shaped my character, and I am confident that my influence has been of worth to others.

Not everyone who suffers a tragic loss, stressful change in lifestyle, is abused as a child, or experiences sadness, fear and heartbreak will develop an illness. The deciding factor seems to be how one copes with the problems they are seemingly powerless to escape from.

“Depression is a partial surrender to death, and it seems that cancer is despair experienced at the cellular level.” – Arnold Hutschnecker The Will to Live

I worked for years to overcome the hatred I felt for my abusers; the hatred I had for myself; and the desire to die so I didn’t have to deal with it. It hasn’t been easy, but as I included supportive people in my healing, it allowed me to let go of it and face it, all at the same time. My mother was never able to do that, and therefore her mind did it for her. If you watched the video associated with this post, you know that she no longer remembers me, nor most of her family. It’s sad, very sad. The saddest part of all is that I truly believe she could have prevented it. In other words, our state of mind has an immediate and direct effect on our state of body. If we ignore our despair, the body receives a “die” message. If we deal with our pain and seek help, then the message is “living is difficult but desirable” and the immune system works to keep us alive.

Self-healing comes from the ability to love self. It comes through SELF centered-ness, SELF-ishness, and SELF reliance. SELF is the acronym I use in my book for the characteristics of exceptional leadership.

  • SACRIFICE
  • EMPOWERMENT
  • LOVE
  • FRIENDSHIP

When these traits are mastered, we have healed our minds, our hearts, and our bodies. We don’t have to worry about emotional malignancies, and we can lead others for good through our influence and intentions.

2016-10-13-seeing-mother

I’m so grateful I saw my mother when I did. Even though she did not know me (but for a moment) I’m not sad for her. I’m not sad for me. She is happy. My mother is the happiest I have ever seen her. Her memories, experiences, and personality traits may be gone. Yet, so are her regrets, pain, and fear. She needed Alzheimer’s disease.

Have you learned to forgive and let go of the sadness, fear and heartbreak? Instead of trying to forget, just forgive. Every experience you’ve had will shape your character, and your influence for good will be of worth to others.

Interested in reading my book? It’s on AMAZON. When you purchase through this link, part of the proceeds will go to ORAL CANCER CAUSE to fight malignant cancers of the mouth and throat.

SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional

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Your Odyssey Has Begun – Whose Eyes Will You Look Into?

Advice.  We’re surrounded by it.  With the advent of the internet there are friends, followers, gurus and goofballs who will tell you they have the solution to your every problem.

Perhaps you consider me a friend.  You may follow this blog, and I may follow yours.  There are some who call me a guru, and more who know me as a goofball.

I don’t have a solution to your every problem, but I have gained wisdom through experience that I’m happy to share.  In fact, many years ago I was asked by a counselor,

“Jackie, if you could speak to Heavenly Father right now, what would you ask him?”

My response then is the same response I’d have today:

“What do you want me to do now?”

The first time I was asked this question was at the finish line of emotional hell overcoming childhood abuse.  With a more complete perspective, I could see how my circumstances, experiences, and challenges of the past had shaped me into the person I was then.  I had always known that if I made it through that healing process I would have more strength than I could have ever imagined.

I was strong.  I had survived.  I was glad I had chosen to keep moving forward.  That odyssey was complete.

I was at the beginning of another Odyssey.  Where would I go, and what would I do?  How can I influence the lives of others?  These were the questions I would ask God, “What do you want me to do now?”

That wasn’t the last time I began an odyssey in life.  It wasn’t the last time when I’ve been able to look back and gain perspective.

There was the time when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 30 years ago.  That was the start of an odyssey.

There was the time I decided to start my business, Emerald City Consulting.  That was an odyssey.

There was the time I said yes to District 2 leadership in Toastmasters International.  That was an odyssey.

There was the time I wrote my book, SELF Centered Leadership.  That is the beginning of your odyssey.

Each time I’ve disembarked from one odyssey, I’ve embarked on another.  That’s the way life should be!

Please take a moment to watch this video featuring a song from John Denver titled “Come and Let Me Look In Your Eyes”

I invite you to embark on an odyssey to exceptional leadership by looking through my eyes.  I identify four traits that have helped me gain perspective from my challenges and experiences in my book, SELF Centered Leadership.  I invite you to read it.

It will help you answer the question,

“What do you want me to do now?”

 

Knock, Knock. You Gonna Get That? Reason #3

We’ve all heard it.  That knock on the door.   Our first thought is, “Who could that be?”

Opportunity Knock | Power of Yes

Do you ignore the knock?  Pretend you’re not home?

Or, do you open the door?  Is it a little crack to first determine if it’s safe to open further?  Or do you open to the visitor with wild abandon?

Opportunity knocks.  You may shrink at the unknown and stay secure in your current state, or you can empower your future by saying yes to new experiences.

Through personal stories shared in my book, SELF Centered Leadership, you’ll  see that my character was shaped by saying yes and answering the door.  You can grow by simply engaging in opportunity.

This is reason #3 in my 30 Reason to Read countdown.  It’s almost done!  Have you read my book yet?

#30 – You’ll learn to prepare for and survive an ODYSSEY!

#29 – You’ll learn how to spot IMITATIONS everywhere!

#28 – I’ll show you an APP to help you make tough decisions

#27 – I’ll introduce the Three P’s of Empowerment and how to apply them in your life

#26 – Wanna overcome regret?  I show you how!

#25 – I will illustrate how YOU can be heroic in your leadership!

#24 – You’ll learn my one-word definition for leadership

#23 – Friendship can sting.  I’ll tell you what I mean when I introduce you to Lexi and Debbie.

#22 – You’ll learn how to be EXCEPTIONAL!

#21 – You will know how to rise to the top of your fishbowl.

#20 – You will learn how to EMPOWER your life, your love, and your actions!

#19 – Love can be hazardous.  I teach you how to LOVE in a SAFE way.

#18 – My book makes a great stocking stuffer for anyone 12 and up!

#17 – You’ll be surprised to learn the 10 ways you influence others constantly!

#16 – You’ll learn to have charitable, brotherly love year round

#15 – You’ll learn the fishy art of caring for goldfish, and how to navigate your own fishbowl.

#14 – Learn to prepare for winter conditions

#13 – Learn how to communicate with credibility

#12Learn to lead with Intention

#11Learn ways to stop asking, and start helping

#10 – Help someone with oral cancer smile again by purchasing my book on www.smile.amazon.com choose Oral Cancer Cause

#9 – Stop eating Styrofoam!

#8 – You’ll have access to the SACRIFICE or VICE chart for decision making

#7 – Pain, Pain, Go Away!

#6 – Service is the best medicine.

#5 – Learn the Five Imitators of Happiness

#4 – Know the SECRET to get out of bed on those tough day.

The Secret to Getting Out of Bed – Reason #4

There have been times in my life when getting out of bed meant facing another day of worry, sadness, loneliness, pain, confusion and/or despair.  It was almost impossible to find a reason to get up.

Get out of bed | Hard days

If you’ve ever felt this way, or if you know someone who struggles with these self-defeating emotions, I know the secret!  I really do!

I share the secret to getting out of bed, even on the hardest days of your life, in my new book SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional.

The reviews from readers of my book are making their way onto Amazon, and it is wonderful to know that my message is changing lives.

One reader said…

“I enjoyed the book. It is a quick read, but one that I will go back to again, especially some parts that were especially meaningful to me. Like Ms Bailey says leadership begins on the inside. If you are a leader, want to be one, are being thrust into being one, start at the right place – with yourself. This book will give you a great start.”

Another reviewer wrote…

“Spot on! This book provides an easy, logical and true path to being a leader and guiding others along their way. It takes courage to provide personal examples and shows the authenticity of the writer.”

I hope you’ll find value in my message.  If you can’t quite get out of bed just yet, then read the book IN BED.  Once you know the secret, you’ll be able to get out of bed again and again, even in the midst of your biggest challenges!  That’s reason FOUR in my 30 Reasons To Read Countdown…..

#30 – You’ll learn to prepare for and survive an ODYSSEY!

#29 – You’ll learn how to spot IMITATIONS everywhere!

#28 – I’ll show you an APP to help you make tough decisions

#27 – I’ll introduce the Three P’s of Empowerment and how to apply them in your life

#26 – Wanna overcome regret?  I show you how!

#25 – I will illustrate how YOU can be heroic in your leadership!

#24 – You’ll learn my one-word definition for leadership

#23 – Friendship can sting.  I’ll tell you what I mean when I introduce you to Lexi and Debbie.

#22 – You’ll learn how to be EXCEPTIONAL!

#21 – You will know how to rise to the top of your fishbowl.

#20 – You will learn how to EMPOWER your life, your love, and your actions!

#19 – Love can be hazardous.  I teach you how to LOVE in a SAFE way.

#18 – My book makes a great stocking stuffer for anyone 12 and up!

#17 – You’ll be surprised to learn the 10 ways you influence others constantly!

#16 – You’ll learn to have charitable, brotherly love year round

#15 – You’ll learn the fishy art of caring for goldfish, and how to navigate your own fishbowl.

#14 – Learn to prepare for winter conditions

#13 – Learn how to communicate with credibility

#12Learn to lead with Intention

#11Learn ways to stop asking, and start helping

#10 – Help someone with oral cancer smile again by purchasing my book on www.smile.amazon.com  choose Oral Cancer Cause

#9 – Stop eating Styrofoam!

#8 – You’ll have access to the SACRIFICE or VICE chart for decision making

#7 – Pain, Pain, Go Away!

#6 – Service is the best medicine.

#5 – Learn the Five Imitators of Happiness

Reason Five Reveals Five Imitators of Happiness

We are surrounded by imitations, fakes and counterfeits.  Some of them look so much like the original that it’s difficult to perceive the hoax.

Food, video games, fabric, jewelry, money, even communication can be counterfeit.  These can all be imitation versions of the real thing.

Fake money

These imitations are the cause of unhappiness because we can believe they are true, only to find that not only are they false, but possibly dangerous.

In my book, SELF Centered Leadership, I identify Five Imitators of Happiness that we should be wary of.  This is likely an unexpected list, because you are probably being fooled by the items on my list.

Knowing where the counterfeits are helps us to begin to live a more genuine life.  Reading my book will help you do that.

Are there any guesses as to what the Five Imitators of Happiness are?

I’m down to the last five reasons to read my book.  I began with a countdown of 30.  Have you been keeping up?

If not, here are the REAL, GENUINE reasons YOU should read SELF Centered Leadership……

#30 – You’ll learn to prepare for and survive an ODYSSEY!

#29 – You’ll learn how to spot IMITATIONS everywhere!

#28 – I’ll show you an APP to help you make tough decisions

#27 – I’ll introduce the Three P’s of Empowerment and how to apply them in your life

#26 – Wanna overcome regret?  I show you how!

#25 – I will illustrate how YOU can be heroic in your leadership!

#24 – You’ll learn my one-word definition for leadership

#23 – Friendship can sting.  I’ll tell you what I mean when I introduce you to Lexi and Debbie.

#22 – You’ll learn how to be EXCEPTIONAL!

#21 – You will know how to rise to the top of your fishbowl.

#20 – You will learn how to EMPOWER your life, your love, and your actions!

#19 – Love can be hazardous.  I teach you how to LOVE in a SAFE way.

#18 – My book makes a great stocking stuffer for anyone 12 and up!

#17 – You’ll be surprised to learn the 10 ways you influence others constantly!

#16 – You’ll learn to have charitable, brotherly love year round

#15 – You’ll learn the fishy art of caring for goldfish, and how to navigate your own fishbowl.

#14 – Learn to prepare for winter conditions

#13 – Learn how to communicate with credibility

#12Learn to lead with Intention

#11Learn ways to stop asking, and start helping

#10 – Help someone with oral cancer smile again by purchasing my book on www.smile.amazon.com  choose Oral Cancer Cause

#9 – Stop eating Styrofoam!

#8 – You’ll have access to the SACRIFICE or VICE chart for decision making

#7 – Pain, Pain, Go Away!

#6 – Service is the best medicine.

Pain, Pain Go Away….Reason #7

I have had fibromyalgia for almost 30 years.  It is a condition that causes constant pain.  There is no known cure.

Pain | Empowerment

In my book, SELF Centered Leadership, I write about the empowering choice I made that alleviated my pain within three days.

I was ready to have surgery on a shoulder that was becoming more debilitating every day – then surprisingly the pain is gone.

You can read about the choice and change I made in chapter three of SELF Centered Leadership.  I hope you’ll choose to read it, and that you’ll make the same choice I made.  Life without pain is good!

#30 – You’ll learn to prepare for and survive an ODYSSEY!

#29 – You’ll learn how to spot IMITATIONS everywhere!

#28 – I’ll show you an APP to help you make tough decisions

#27 – I’ll introduce the Three P’s of Empowerment and how to apply them in your life

#26 – Wanna overcome regret?  I show you how!

#25 – I will illustrate how YOU can be heroic in your leadership!

#24 – You’ll learn my one-word definition for leadership

#23 – Friendship can sting.  I’ll tell you what I mean when I introduce you to Lexi and Debbie.

#22 – You’ll learn how to be EXCEPTIONAL!

#21 – You will know how to rise to the top of your fishbowl.

#20 – You will learn how to EMPOWER your life, your love, and your actions!

#19 – Love can be hazardous.  I teach you how to LOVE in a SAFE way.

#18 – My book makes a great stocking stuffer for anyone 12 and up!

#17 – You’ll be surprised to learn the 10 ways you influence others constantly!

#16 – You’ll learn to have charitable, brotherly love year round

#15 – You’ll learn the fishy art of caring for goldfish, and how to navigate your own fishbowl.

#14 – Learn to prepare for winter conditions

#13 – Learn how to communicate with credibility

#12Learn to lead with Intention

#11Learn ways to stop asking, and start helping

#10 – Help someone with oral cancer smile again by purchasing my book on www.smile.amazon.com  choose Oral Cancer Cause

#9 – Stop eating Styrofoam!

#8 – You’ll have access to the SACRIFICE or VICE chart for decision making

 

Reason #13 – How to Communicate with Credibility

Would you believe this is a picture of me?

Empowerment | Communication | LeadershipJackie Bailey | Emerald City Consulting

This is me today.

In my book, SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional, I relate a story which took place many years ago.  I was in disguise and dressed like am I in the top picture above.

The experience I had was interesting, and fraught with lessons.

Spoiler alert – the police were dispatched! 

Read my book to learn how my story – and YOUR story – teaches you how to communicate with credibility.

Have YOU ever been treated differently because of how you looked???

If you’ve missed any of the 30 reasons to read my book, they are listed here…..

Reason #30 – You’ll learn to prepare for and survive an ODYSSEY!

Reason #29 – You’ll learn how to spot IMITATIONS everywhere!

Reason #28 – I’ll show you an APP to help you make tough decisions

Reason #27 – I’ll introduce the Three P’s of Empowerment and how to apply them in your life

Reason #26 – Wanna overcome regret?  I show you how!

Reason #25 – I will illustrate how YOU can be heroic in your leadership!

Reason #24 – You’ll learn my one-word definition for leadership

Reason #23Friendship can sting.  I’ll tell you what I mean when I introduce you to Lexi and Debbie.

Reason #22 – You’ll learn how to be EXCEPTIONAL!

Reason #21 – You will know how to rise to the top of your fishbowl.  Didn’t know you were in a fishbowl?  Well….you are.

Reason #20 – You will learn how to EMPOWER your life, your love, and your actions!

Reason #19 – Love can be hazardous.  I teach you how to LOVE in a SAFE way.

Reason #18 – My book makes a great stocking stuffer for anyone 12 and up!

Reason #17 – You’ll be surprised to learn the 10 ways you influence others constantly!

Reason #16 – You’ll learn to have charitable, brotherly love year round

Reason #15 – You’ll learn the fishy art of caring for goldfish, and how to navigate your own fishbowl.

Reason #14 – Learn to prepare for winter conditions

 

Reason #14 – Prepare for Winter Conditions

In my book, SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional, I tell a very personal story about my son, Cory and an experience he had in sub-freezing temperatures.

This is a picture with me and my children, Holly and Cory, and Holly’s children Sam and Miles.

Empowerment | Snow

Cory’s story is in my chapter about EMPOWERMENT.  Cory was not empowered during his experience because he had not applied the three P’s of Empowerment.

My book will help you prepare for those winter conditions that we all experience literally or figuratively.  It’s about becoming empowered instead of powerless.

Learning to prepare for winter conditions is reason #14 in my 30 Reasons to Read Countdown.  In case you’ve lost track of all the reasons to read my book, they are listed below….

Reason #30 – You’ll learn to prepare for and survive an ODYSSEY!

Reason #29 – You’ll learn how to spot IMITATIONS everywhere!

Reason #28 – I’ll show you an APP to help you make tough decisions

Reason #27 – I’ll introduce the Three P’s of Empowerment and how to apply them in your life

Reason #26 – Wanna overcome regret?  I show you how!

Reason #25 – I will illustrate how YOU can be heroic in your leadership!

Reason #24 – You’ll learn my one-word definition for leadership

Reason #23 – Friendship can sting.  I’ll tell you what I mean when I introduce you to Lexi and Debbie.

Reason #22 – You’ll learn how to be EXCEPTIONAL!

Reason #21 – You will know how to rise to the top of your fishbowl.  Didn’t know you were in a fishbowl?  Well….you are.

Reason #20 – You will learn how to EMPOWER your life, your love, and your actions!

Reason #19 – Love can be hazardous.  I teach you how to LOVE in a SAFE way.

Reason #18 – My book makes a great stocking stuffer for anyone 12 and up!

Reason #17 – You’ll be surprised to learn the 10 ways you influence others constantly!

Reason #16 – You’ll learn to have charitable, brotherly love year round

Reason #15 – You’ll learn the fishy art of caring for goldfish, and how to navigate your own fishbowl.

Reason #15 for Reading my Book is a Little Fishy

Goldfish seem like easy pets to have, but there is more to fish ownership than you can imagine.  I talk about this in the introduction of my book:

SELF Centered Leadership LOGO

It was, in fact, goldfish ownership that inspired me to begin writing a book several years ago.  In my recently published book, you’ll learn how three little fish helped me begin an odyssey.

There are many reasons to read my book, and I hope you’ll order it soon.  It’s available on Amazon.

Have you ever owned goldfish?  What has your experience been?  Any lessons learned?  How might your experience relate to leadership?

Here’s all the reasons so far in my 30 Reasons for Reading Countdown….

Reason #30 – You’ll learn to prepare for and survive an ODYSSEY!

Reason #29 – You’ll learn how to spot IMITATIONS everywhere!

Reason #28 – I’ll show you an APP to help you make tough decisions

Reason #27 – I’ll introduce the Three P’s of Empowerment and how to apply them in your life

Reason #26 – Wanna overcome regret?  I show you how!

Reason #25 – I will illustrate how YOU can be heroic in your leadership!

Reason #24 – You’ll learn my one-word definition for leadership (although you may have gotten a hint from today’s post)

Reason #23 – Friendship can sting.  I’ll tell you what I mean when I introduce you to Lexi and Debbie.

Reason #22 – You’ll learn how to be EXCEPTIONAL!

Reason #21 – You will know how to rise to the top of your fishbowl.  Didn’t know you were in a fishbowl?  Well….you are.

Reason #20 – You will learn how to EMPOWER your life, your love, and your actions!

Reason #19 – Love can be hazardous.  I teach you how to LOVE in a SAFE way.

Reason #18 – My book makes a great stocking stuffer for anyone 12 and up!

Reason #17 – You’ll be surprised to learn the 10 ways you influence others constantly! 

Reason #16 – Learn how to have charitable love year-round!

 

Reason #16 for reading SELF Centered Leadership

This time of year, we are more familiar with CHARITY.  We see examples of people doing good deeds for others unselfishly and anonymously.  I think these charitable acts inspire the “spirit” of Christmas that we often hear about, and look so forward to feeling.

How do we have that charitable, brotherly love?

In my book, SELF Centered Leadership, I spend am entire chapter talking about love – charitable, brotherly love.  Wouldn’t it be great to feel that “spirit” all year long?

If you read my book, you’ll learn how!

SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional is available NOW on Amazon in paperback and Kindle.  Check it out!

After your purchase, be sure to write a review!  I want to know how the book influenced your SELF!

Please comment below with a experience you’ve had with charitable love – whether giving or receiving…..