Category Archives: Love

A Cure for Emotional Malignancy

Watch the video above before reading further….


“The mind does not act only through conscious choices…many of its effects are achieved directly on the body’s tissues, without any awareness on our part.”

This is a quote from Dr. Bernie Siegel’s book Love, Medicine & Miracles. In reading his book a second time (I first read it while going through therapy for childhood sexual abuse), I find his suggestions, ideas and research have a lot of merit. I believe my own mother developed Alzheimer’s in the same way that his book suggests many people develop cancer.

“One of the most widely accepted explanations of cancer theory states that cancer cells are developing in our bodies all the time but are normally destroyed by white blood cells before they develop into dangerous tumors. Cancer appears when the immune system becomes suppressed and can no longer deal with the routine threat. It follows that whatever upsets the brain’s control of the immune system will foster malignancy.” ~ Bernie Siegel, MD Love, Medicine & Miracles

It is my belief that malignancy does not have to be cancerous. We cause malignancy of mind and wellness when we refuse to forgive and harbor anger or hatred. When we see ourselves as victims of circumstance rather than searching for ways to be victorious over our circumstances, we develop malignancies of character. We don’t empower ourselves, but actually undermine our God-given power.

“The body responds to the mind’s messages…these may be either ‘live’ or ‘die’ messages.” Besides the fight-or flight response, we also have a “die” mechanism that brings us closer to death when we feel our life is not worth living. ~ Bernie Siegel, MD Love, Medicine & Miracles

My mother is 87 years old. She has lived a life of sadness, fear, and heartbreak. That alone does not cause malignancy. It is holding onto the sadness, fear and heartbreak that cause, first our mind to be depressed, then our physical body to take hold of a “die” mentality. I’ve seen it! I’ve lived with my mother, and I witnessed rare times when she escaped her challenges and focused instead on helping someone else with their challenges.

Perhaps the only way my mother had to escape the regrets in her life was to forget. Why wouldn’t anyone with the same experiences want to forget? There have certainly been times in my life when I wished for emotional Alzheimer’s. How wonderful it would have been to forget all the hurt and pain.

I realize all of us live through tough times, but the difference between my mother and me is that I have learned to forgive and let go of the sadness, fear and heartbreak. I don’t want to forget it, because every experience has shaped my character, and I am confident that my influence has been of worth to others.

Not everyone who suffers a tragic loss, stressful change in lifestyle, is abused as a child, or experiences sadness, fear and heartbreak will develop an illness. The deciding factor seems to be how one copes with the problems they are seemingly powerless to escape from.

“Depression is a partial surrender to death, and it seems that cancer is despair experienced at the cellular level.” – Arnold Hutschnecker The Will to Live

I worked for years to overcome the hatred I felt for my abusers; the hatred I had for myself; and the desire to die so I didn’t have to deal with it. It hasn’t been easy, but as I included supportive people in my healing, it allowed me to let go of it and face it, all at the same time. My mother was never able to do that, and therefore her mind did it for her. If you watched the video associated with this post, you know that she no longer remembers me, nor most of her family. It’s sad, very sad. The saddest part of all is that I truly believe she could have prevented it. In other words, our state of mind has an immediate and direct effect on our state of body. If we ignore our despair, the body receives a “die” message. If we deal with our pain and seek help, then the message is “living is difficult but desirable” and the immune system works to keep us alive.

Self-healing comes from the ability to love self. It comes through SELF centered-ness, SELF-ishness, and SELF reliance. SELF is the acronym I use in my book for the characteristics of exceptional leadership.

  • SACRIFICE
  • EMPOWERMENT
  • LOVE
  • FRIENDSHIP

When these traits are mastered, we have healed our minds, our hearts, and our bodies. We don’t have to worry about emotional malignancies, and we can lead others for good through our influence and intentions.

2016-10-13-seeing-mother

I’m so grateful I saw my mother when I did. Even though she did not know me (but for a moment) I’m not sad for her. I’m not sad for me. She is happy. My mother is the happiest I have ever seen her. Her memories, experiences, and personality traits may be gone. Yet, so are her regrets, pain, and fear. She needed Alzheimer’s disease.

Have you learned to forgive and let go of the sadness, fear and heartbreak? Instead of trying to forget, just forgive. Every experience you’ve had will shape your character, and your influence for good will be of worth to others.

Interested in reading my book? It’s on AMAZON. When you purchase through this link, part of the proceeds will go to ORAL CANCER CAUSE to fight malignant cancers of the mouth and throat.

SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional

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Gentlemen, Where Are You?

I recently heard the following verbally spoken in public:

“A nasty guy”

“Lies like a dog over and over again”

“Failed. He’s so awkward and goofy”

“Looks like a little boy. A perfect puppet”

“Lazy. All talk and no action”

“He’s a loser”

You might imagine these words spoken by children on a playground, or by an immature, angry teenager who has deep, personal insecurities.

Sadly, all the above put downs, name calling, and insults were spoken by a well-known figure; a father of five; a man who is wealthy and wants for nothing; a man who should recognize his blessings; a man who should have the mindset of uplifting others because he has achieved so much.

All the words above were said by a candidate for the most powerful office in the world – The President of the United States. They were spoken by Donald Trump.

Donald Trump

Surprisingly, many people support Trump despite his negative rhetoric. However, Donald Trump is certainly not the only candidate who has resorted to such abrasive language.

At a recent political rally another presidential candidate, Marco Rubio, stated this about rival, Donald Trump: “he doesn’t sweat because his pores are clogged from the spray tan. Donald Trump isn’t gonna make America great, he’s gonna make America orange.”

As if personal attacks are not bad enough, other candidates say things by way of speculation knowing they may be reported as truth. For instance, another candidate, Ted Cruz suggested that Trump’s tax returns may show his connection to the mafia.

What in the world has happened to respectful competition? Where have all the gentlemen gone? Where can we find courtesy and civility  in conversation, and especially in positions of leadership?

There is a CRISIS of LEADERSHIP in our country and throughout our society!

In his last State of the Union address, President Obama commented, “The language, the spirit has become meaner than when I came in.”

I believe President Obama is right. I also believe he has a role to play in that meanness.

Barak Obama

Marco Rubio, a sitting Senator (part of the president’s team) remarked, “This president has been the single most divisive political figure this country has had over the last decade.”

Another congressman (team member) said, “There probably has not been a more racially-divisive, economic-divisive president in the White House since we had presidents who supported slavery.”

These are a few members of the president’s legislative team who see him as a non-collaborative leader. I recognize that the United States has become a two-party political system, but it seems to me this has come to mean that a line has been drawn in the sand, and whatever side you call yours is the only one with good ideas, and no possible work can happen together for the COMMON good of both sides.

lineinsand

True leaders are those who inspire their team to achieve noble results by bringing all ideas to the table and finding common ground to build on. President Obama appears to have done the opposite.

During his presidential campaign, Barack Obama was heard to say, “After we win this election, it’s our turn. Payback time. Everyone not with us is against us, and they better be ready because we don’t forget. The ones who helped us will be rewarded; the ones who opposed us will get what they deserve. There is going to be hell to pay.”

Does that kind of language build trust and rapport with people who have a different view than you do? Does that inspire people to WANT to work with you? Is that what an exceptional LEADER would say?
Before he took office in 2009, knowing half his “team” (Republicans) had a different view from his own, he said of them, “…it’s not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”

 

LEADERSHIP is in decline in America! Kindness and courtesy have been forgotten. Respect and friendship are characteristics that no longer seem important. We are in big trouble, America!

Is it any wonder then, that candidates running for office are immature and unkind to each other? I’m not blaming the president; I’m blaming the ideas of “tolerance” and “equality” that have been buzz words for so many years.

We are expected to be tolerant of the viewpoints and diversity of others, yet it seems that those who preach tolerance the loudest are those who practice it the least.

I’m all for acceptance, love, and respect for ALL PEOPLE, and I sincerely apply these characteristics in all I do. However, I feel forced to tolerate ideas that bring people down instead of lift them up, and when I disagree with certain policies or ideas, I am labeled a hater.

I can’t possibly support ANY of the candidates for president because NONE of them have actually shown proof they can lead with civility and collaboration. Does that mean I hate them? Of course not.

Anyone who would accuse another of hate is most definitely more hateful than the one being accused.

The democratic side of the aisle has offered Hilary Clinton, who has most surely put herself above the law, and who has been dishonest; and Bernie Sanders, who has never governed anything, and who claims he will undo the US Constitution – the ONLY reason we are the exceptional nation we are.

These are the choices we have to make in this current election: individuals who are immature, disrespectful, dishonest, inexperienced, uncivil, and divisive. Great, huh?

A more courteous, kind, and loving society will only happen when we personally are more courteous, kind, and loving. It starts with you. It starts with me. It deepens its roots in our homes. It blossoms as we lead in an exceptional way. It comes to fruition when we see each other as children of God – valued and important, albeit different.

LEADERSHIP IS IN CRISIS! WHAT WILL YOU DO?

What are YOU going to do to decrease hurtful words, meanness and disrespect?

What are YOU going to do to increase your ability to be more courteous, kind and loving?

Our country needs more gentlemen and gentlewomen. We need YOU!

My book. SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional offers some ideas to become exceptional. I hope you’ll read it and tell me what you think.

Sally read my book and said:

This was a wonderful read that held my interest, from beginning to end. I loved how Jackie used her personal and family experiences, throughout her life, to make it *real* and motivational as well. From this book, I actually learned that I have been somewhat of a leader for most of my life. I now know how to do it more effectively and with “full engagement”. By saying “Yes”, I will open my life to more experience and value. I will now strive for exceptional leadership, using the tools that I have learned in this book. I am excited and inspired! Thank you, Jackie. I am very grateful.

 

 

 

 

 

All you Need is Love…in Leadership

Martin Luther King, Jr. is best known for his role in the advancement of civil rights using nonviolent civil disobedience based on his Christian beliefs. In other words, Dr. King fought what many viewed as hatred for certain people, by leading in the community with love and discipline.

On October 14, 1964, Dr. King was presented the Nobel Peace Prize for his ability to combat racial inequality in a non-violent way.

It is possible to lead in love. It is possible for love to change people’s hearts. It is possible to fight for the noblest of causes with love.

Below are some of Dr. King’s most inspiring and poignant words – spoken with a love for people, country, and the ideal of positive change in the human spirit.

62. Molder of consensus


63. Installment plan


64. Labor that uplifts


65. Progress


66. Decide to Wallk in the light


67. Faith


68. Spiritual Control

What has Dr. King taught you about leading with love? Is it possible? It is important?

How will LOVE influence your leadership from this point forward?

You will learn how to love your self and others by reading my book, SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional. It’s available on Amazon.

 

How to Influence a Life

One year ago today, my husband and I made a decision that changed the course of two lives. We went to the Lynnwood, Washington chapter of the Progressive Animal Welfare Society (PAWS).

We had been without a pet dog for two years, and it was time to welcome that special spirit back into our home – that spirit that only a dog can bring.

From the PAWS website we found Newan and Babies – a bonded pair of dogs who had been either taken from a neglectful environment, or surrendered to authorities. They were both listed as Australian Shepherd mixes; Newan, a male of six years old; and Babies, a female of seven years old. Both breed and age were guesses, since there was really no way to know their entire history.

We were told that Newan and Babies had been so neglected that their extremely matted fur contained nails and other construction materials stuck in the mats. We had to wait a few days to finalize the adoption because they had both suffered from bordetella pertussis (kennel cough), they were underweight, and their health would need to be cleared by a veterinarian on staff.

When the day came (one year ago) that they were ready to come home with us, we were very excited.

2015-2-18 Newman and Paisley adoption
Meeting Newan and Babies at PAWS in Lynnwood 2-18-15

We didn’t know how long Newan and Babies had had their names. They had come to Washington from California. Had they been given these names from birth? Did the original California rescuers give them their names? Did PAWS give them these names? Our inquiries were not answered, so we decided to change their names to something that sounded close to Newan and Babies to avoid traumatizing their identity on top of everything else.

Newan became NEWMAN, and Babies became PAISLEY. My husband and I are big fans of Paul Newman and Brad Paisley, so it made sense.

2015-2-18 Newman and Paisley come home
Newman and Paisley on their first day in our home 2-18-15

From day one, we noticed evidence of abuse with Newman and Paisley. They did not know how to play. Let me repeat: THEY DID NOT KNOW HOW TO PLAY. In fact, both dogs seemed afraid of toys, as if balls and stuffed, squeaky objects had been used to hurt them.

Both Newman and Paisley disliked being touched on the behind. Pet his or her tail, and they would run away. It seemed as though their tails had been pulled often, and probably violently. Not to mention that Paisley would run with her rear-end down. This suggested that she’d been kicked often.

I also believe, as evidence would suggest, that Newman and Paisley had been trapped or tricked prior to an abusive human encounter. They would not, and still do not, go into a room that has no exit. It was even difficult for them to walk in front of us because I think they feared they’d be kicked.

It is sad to think about the past abuse they’ve experienced. On the other hand, it feels so good to know that we’ve given Newman and Paisley a better life.

2015 Newman content boy          2015 Paisley content girl

The biggest test Newman and Paisley had to face was our grandchildren. We worried the dogs would be frightened or aggressive toward smaller humans (let face it, we’ve all been a little uneasy with smaller humans from time to time). Our fears were quickly forgotten, because Newman and Paisley are FABULOUS with our grandchildren!

2015-5-10 Sam walking Paisley

“Paisley is just so sweet”, says Sam, our 6-year old grandson.

Sam is right. Both dogs are very sweet. Even though they don’t play with toys, and still haven’t overcome all of their trust issues, they are so much happier than they were on that day one year ago. I think they feel settled in our home, and are so happy to be cuddled, petted and loved.

2015-3-7 Newman and mom

I recommend adopting a rescue dog. We love the Australian Shepherd breed, and looked for one in our search to adopt. We didn’t get full-bred animals, but we see the best characteristics of the breed in Newman and Paisley. We are so happy with our choice.

Happy anniversary, Newman and Paisley!

Platitudes of U.S. Presidents

Today is Presidents Day in the United States. With appreciation, I celebrate my admiration; renew my dedication; and strive to forget any aggravation, with the 42 men who’ve led this great, yet struggling nation.

Despite differences in viewpoints and policy, every President of the United States  has chosen to lead because of love for country. Therefore, I share with you the words they spoke as they led in love. I hope their words will inspire you to increase your love for leadership, and that you’ll love more those you lead.


George Washington 1789-1797
Happiness and moral duty are inseparably connected”

John Adams 1797 – 1801
“Let us tenderly and kindly cherish, therefore, the means of knowledge. Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write”

Thomas Jefferson 1801 – 1809
“In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock”

James Madison 1809 – 1817
“Philosophy is common sense with big words”

James Monroe 1817 – 1825
“A little flattery will support a man through great fatigue”


John Quincy Adams

John Quincy Adams 1825-1829
“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader”

Andrew Jackson 1829 – 1837
“Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in”

Martin Van Buren 1837 – 1841
“I cannot expect to perform the task with equal ability and success”

William Henry Harrison 1841 – 1841
“There is nothing more corrupting, nothing more destructive of the noblest and finest feelings of our nature, than the exercise of unlimited power”

John Tyler 1841 – 1845
“I can never consent to being dictated to”


Portrait Print of President James K. Polk after a Daguerrotype by Matthew Brady

James K. Polk 1845 – 1849
“No president who performs his duties faithfully and conscientiously can have any leisure”

Zachary Taylor 1849 – 1850
“I have always done my duty”

Millard Fillmore 1850 – 1853
“It is not strange…to mistake change for progress”

Franklin Pierce 1853 – 1857
“With the Union my best and dearest earthly hopes are entwined”

James Buchanan 1857 – 1861
“The test of leadership is not to put greatness into humanity, but to elicit it, for the greatness is already there”


Abraham Lincoln2

Abraham Lincoln 1861 – 1865
“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power”

Andrew Johnson 1865 – 1869
“Honest conviction is my courage”

Ulysses S. Grant 1869 – 1877
“It is men who wait to be selected, and not those who seek, from whom we may expect the most efficient service”

Rutherford B. Hayes 1877 – 1881
“Must swear off from swearing. Bad habit”

James A. Garfield 1881 – 1881
“A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck”


Chester A Arthur

Chester A. Arthur 1881 – 1885
“I may be president of the United States, but my private life is nobody’s damned business”

Grover Cleveland 1885 – 1889
“Someday I will be better remembered”

William McKinley 1889 – 1901
“That’s all a man can hope for during his lifetime – to set an example – and when he is dead, to be an inspiration for history”

Theodore Roosevelt 1901 – 1909
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are”

William Howard Taft 1909 – 1913
“Enthusiasm for a cause sometimes warps judgement”


 

Woodrow Wilson

Woodrow Wilson 1913 – 1921
“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together”

Warren G. Harding 1921 – 1923
“I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies all right. But my damn friends…they’re the ones that keep me walking the floor nights!”

Calvin Coolidge 1923 – 1929
“No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave”

Herbert Hoover 1929 – 1933
“Words without actions are the assassins of idealism”

Franklin D. Roosevelt 1933 – 1945
“Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort”


President Harry S. Truman

Harry S. Truman 1945 – 1953
“It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit”

Dwight D. Eisenhower 1953 – 1961
“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it”

John F. Kennedy 1961 – 1963
“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction”

Lyndon B. Johnson 1963 – 1969
“The noblest search is the search for excellence”

Richard Nixon 1969 – 1974
“Always remember others may hate you, but those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself”


Gerald Ford

Gerald Ford 1974 – 1977
“I had a lot of experience with people smarter than I am”

Jimmy Carter 1977 – 1981
“We must adjust to changing times and still hold to unchanging principles”

Ronald Reagan 1981 – 1989
“Some people wonder all their lives if they’ve made a difference. The Marines don’t have that problem”

George H.W. Bush 1989 – 1993
“We must act on what we know. I take as my guide the hope of a saint: In crucial things, unity; in important things, diversity; in all things, generosity”

Bill Clinton 1993 – 2001
“Let us all take more responsibility, not only for ourselves and our families but for our communities and our country”

George W. Bush 2001-2009
“We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail”


Barak Obama

Barack Obama 2009 –
“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change we seek”

Which quote is your favorite? Which president was/is your favorite? How will you improve your leadership?

If you’d like to be an exceptional leader, I invite you to read my book, SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional, and Exceptional now available on Amazon.

 

 

A Leader Who Empowered

Abraham Lincoln2

The WhiteHouse.Gov site explains that Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States used his leadership to empower those who had no power. In 1863, following years of civil war, he issued the Emancipation Proclamation that declared slaves within the Confederacy were forever free.

There was surely a time in Abraham Lincoln’s life when he felt powerless as well. He had struggled like many people of his time. He wrote:

“I was born Feb. 12, 1809, in Hardin County, Kentucky. My parents were both born in Virginia, of undistinguished families–second families, perhaps I should say. My mother, who died in my tenth year, was of a family of the name of Hanks…. My father … removed from Kentucky to … Indiana, in my eighth year…. It was a wild region, with many bears and other wild animals still in the woods. There I grew up…. Of course when I came of age I did not know much. Still somehow, I could read, write, and cipher … but that was all.”

Nevertheless, Lincoln worked hard on the farm, gaining knowledge at every opportunity. He was described by his law partner: “His ambition was a little engine that knew no rest.”

Abraham Lincoln was guided by the principles of leadership that I identify in my book, SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional, and Exceptional. He understood sacrifice for, empowerment of, love for, and friendship of all his countrymen. He lived a humble life of service, and was guided by principles of moral good.

Inscribed on one wall of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D. C. are his words:

“With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation’s wounds…. “

It is my hope that you and I will live a life guided by these same principles, that we will have ambition without rest to empower and enhance the lives of those within our influence. May we strive to be EXCEPTIONAL LEADERS, as was Abraham Lincoln.

I invite you to share your thoughts about this, or any other great leader by commenting on this post. Thank you so much for reading it.

 

Leadership: Your Potential to Empower

Carly Fiorina, former 2016 Republican Candidate for President of the United States

Carly Fiorina

As with any one of the 2016 Republican or Democratic candidates for President, you either feel Carly Fiorina is qualified to lead the country, or not. The Republican field was wide this election season, with around 17 candidates to choose from. Some of the candidates we are familiar with, while some we had not heard of before he/she took the political stage.

This post is not meant to be an endorsement for, nor an opinion against Carly Fiorina. I write this today to simply focus on some aspects of leadership I believe Carly and I agree on.

When announcing the end of her run for President yesterday, February 10, 2016, Carly Fiorina said the following. (It can be found verbatim at her website CarlyForPresident.com)


 

This campaign was always about citizenship—taking back our country from a political class that only serves the big, the powerful, the wealthy, and the well connected. Election after election, the same empty promises are made and the same poll-tested stump speeches are given, but nothing changes. I’ve said throughout this campaign that I will not sit down and be quiet. I’m not going to start now. While I suspend my candidacy today, I will continue to travel this country and fight for those Americans who refuse to settle for the way things are and a status quo that no longer works for them.

Our Republican Party must fight alongside these Americans as well. We must end crony capitalism by fighting the policies that allow it to flourish. We must fix our festering problems by holding our bloated, inept government bureaucracy accountable. Republicans must stand for conservative principles that lift people up and recognize all Americans have the right to fulfill their God-given potential.

To young girls and women across the country, I say: do not let others define you. Do not listen to anyone who says you have to vote a certain way or for a certain candidate because you’re a woman. That is not feminism. Feminism doesn’t shut down conversations or threaten women. It is not about ideology. It is not a weapon to wield against your political opponent. A feminist is a woman who lives the life she chooses and uses all her God-given gifts. And always remember that a leader is not born, but made. Choose leadership.

As I have said to the many wonderful Americans I have met throughout this campaign, a leader is a servant whose highest calling is to unlock potential in others. I will continue to serve in order to restore citizen government to this great nation so that together we may fulfill our potential.


In four paragraphs I find some exquisite gems of leadership by Carly. It is her ideas I write about today.

“…a leader is not born, but made. Choose leadership”

We all come to earth in the same way. It does not matter where we are born, what time in history, or how our mother ranked on the social scale. From the moment of birth, we all have to develop the ability to walk, talk, and overcome the fear of pain and failure.

It is through our common experiences on the same planet that our ability to lead will be developed. Leadership is a small seed in each of us. However, at some point we will choose to lead or not. In other words, we influence (or lead) others every day of our life. People watch us, learn from us, and sometimes imitate us even if we don’t know it.

Choosing leadership, as Carly suggests, means to use the influence, abilities, and experiences we’ve had to add to the influence, abilities and experiences of someone else.

“…a leader is a servant whose highest calling is to unlock potential in others”

Until you decide that life is NOT about you, then you will never be truly happy. Life is about empowering those you love to be whom they have the potential to be.

Parenting is the most perfect example of true leadership. Parenting involves sacrificing your own needs for the needs (and usually the wants) of your children. Even if you don’t have children, you can recall the example of sacrifice from your own parents, or from people in your life who shaped the good parts of who you are. Exceptional leaders have that kind of influence over their fellow human beings.

Leadership, as Carly mentions, is the act of identifying the potential in someone else, helping them see it, and then teaching them ways to empower their future through the best choices. Leadership is not about gaining followers so you can be lifted higher in status. True leadership is serving others in a way that helps them see their own value and purpose. Those who lead best are those who love to serve.

61. Servant leadership

“A feminist is a woman who lives the life she chooses and uses all her God-given gifts”

I completely agree with Carly in her idea that women should never be made to feel less than they are, especially by other women. When women are told that they will happier and more successful in life by destroying the potential of someone weaker or more vulnerable than herself, she is undermining her true happiness in every way. The same goes for men.

Women and men should seek to develop relationships founded in love and friendship. Let’s work to develop deeper, long lasting ties with people, than just casual moments of pleasure and fun. If we do, our lives will be much more fulfilling, and we’ll have fewer regrets.

Carly Fiorina may have made a great President, or not. We may never know. However, I can see by her behavior, her experience, and her ability to fight for what is good and right, that she is, has been, and will continue to be, a great leader.

You likely remember the exchange she had with another candidate, Donald Trump, after he insulted her looks:

CarlyFiorina2

I implore you to explore your leadership. Are you influencing for good the lives of others, or are you focused on getting ahead? I have written a book which defines what exceptional leadership is. I invite you to read it. I’m confident it will help you develop the most important traits of leadership.

Slide ad for book

Buy it on Amazon today!

Tell me what you think of leadership. Do you agree with me and Carly?

Leadership on the Field – Go Hawks!

Sports metaphors are used to teach leadership more than perhaps any other method.  I think the reason for that is obvious – team situations provide grounds for learning to follow, and learning to lead.

My NFL team, the Seattle Seahawks is going to the SUPER BOWL for the second year in a row!  That gives me perfectly good reason to use a sports metaphor about leadership.

Pete Carroll | Seahawks coach

Pete Carroll – I call him re-Pete Carroll – is the head coach for the Hawks.  The quarterback is Russell Wilson.  Two great men who have been on a leadership odyssey, and whom have proven to be outstanding in their field.  The football field.  Actually, I suppose they weren’t standing.  They were running in their field.  They couldn’t win if they were just standing…..

Coach Carroll has coached many players on many teams.  His odyssey finally brought him to Seattle, and it has been his leadership that has influenced a winning team.

In a recent article by Pat Kirwan titled, Super Bowl 49: How Pete Carroll Came to Mold Champion Seahawks, the author describes how Pete Carroll possess the SELF leadership traits that make exceptional leaders.  Sacrifice, Empowerment, Love and Friendship.

Sacrifice – The article states, His players find it difficult to believe his age (63) because of his energy level. Whether it’s running around at practice, or looking for a player to go one on one with on the basketball court, he never seems to drag.

“I never saw him yawn around the office late at night working on a game plan,” one of his coaches said the other day.

It takes sacrifice of sleep, time and energy to coach a football team of grown men.  The expectations are tremendous.  Coach Carroll obviously understands the sacrifice, and gladly accepts it all for the sake of influencing the team.

Empowerment – His ability to understand his players, and to teach them how to not only work hard, but refocus when necessary is described in the article this way –  The competitive spirit of Seahawks practices has been well-chronicled, but what is unique about his upbeat workouts — going back to his USC days — are his attempts to distract players (open-to-the-public workouts, blaring music) to teach focus. There’s even a basketball hoop in the team’s big meeting room. Players are regularly trying to make a shot. On the spur of the moment he stops meetings, calling for a shooting contest.

The last time I was there, the kickers beat the defensive line and the players erupted with cheers and boos, only to settle down seconds later and refocus.

Love – Service is the key to leadership, and even in a testosterone-high environment, exceptional leaders find time to serve unrelated to the job.  Pete Carroll is an example of charitable love.  The article states….

1. When he coached the Patriots, my cousin — a big Patriots fan — was diagnosed with cancer. Carroll called every week and convinced my cousin he’d get better, keeping his hopes alive. My cousin got better and never forgot Carroll’s efforts.

2. When Carroll was looking for a strength and conditioning coach at USC, he got a call from Chris Carlisle. Carlisle disclosed he had cancer, to which Carroll responded: “Then get out here and get to work so you get better.”

3. One night when we were driving home from work and saw a car with a flat tire on the side of the road. A mother and her two boys were standing outside the car, looking upset. Upon noticing the boys were wearing Steelers shirts, Carroll said to pull over. When he got out of the car, he said we’d fix the flat if the boys traded their Steelers gear for Jets shirts.

Friendship – Pete Carroll is concerned about his friends – even those who work for him  – Loyalty to staff members shows up in his efforts to get them better jobs than they already have. I asked him about losing a few assistants because of the Seahawks’ success, and he said he was trying to help two more assistants get coordinator jobs.

Pete Carroll is an exceptional leader.  He has mastered well the SELF-ish leaderSacrifice, Empowerment, Love and Friendship.  I believe we’ll see examples of all four traits on the field this Sunday at the Super Bowl.

Go Hawks!

Go Sea Hawks | Superbowl

Your Odyssey Has Begun – Whose Eyes Will You Look Into?

Advice.  We’re surrounded by it.  With the advent of the internet there are friends, followers, gurus and goofballs who will tell you they have the solution to your every problem.

Perhaps you consider me a friend.  You may follow this blog, and I may follow yours.  There are some who call me a guru, and more who know me as a goofball.

I don’t have a solution to your every problem, but I have gained wisdom through experience that I’m happy to share.  In fact, many years ago I was asked by a counselor,

“Jackie, if you could speak to Heavenly Father right now, what would you ask him?”

My response then is the same response I’d have today:

“What do you want me to do now?”

The first time I was asked this question was at the finish line of emotional hell overcoming childhood abuse.  With a more complete perspective, I could see how my circumstances, experiences, and challenges of the past had shaped me into the person I was then.  I had always known that if I made it through that healing process I would have more strength than I could have ever imagined.

I was strong.  I had survived.  I was glad I had chosen to keep moving forward.  That odyssey was complete.

I was at the beginning of another Odyssey.  Where would I go, and what would I do?  How can I influence the lives of others?  These were the questions I would ask God, “What do you want me to do now?”

That wasn’t the last time I began an odyssey in life.  It wasn’t the last time when I’ve been able to look back and gain perspective.

There was the time when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 30 years ago.  That was the start of an odyssey.

There was the time I decided to start my business, Emerald City Consulting.  That was an odyssey.

There was the time I said yes to District 2 leadership in Toastmasters International.  That was an odyssey.

There was the time I wrote my book, SELF Centered Leadership.  That is the beginning of your odyssey.

Each time I’ve disembarked from one odyssey, I’ve embarked on another.  That’s the way life should be!

Please take a moment to watch this video featuring a song from John Denver titled “Come and Let Me Look In Your Eyes”

I invite you to embark on an odyssey to exceptional leadership by looking through my eyes.  I identify four traits that have helped me gain perspective from my challenges and experiences in my book, SELF Centered Leadership.  I invite you to read it.

It will help you answer the question,

“What do you want me to do now?”

 

Never Fail at This One Thing – Reason 1

If you’re like me, you want to be successful in all you do.  And, like me, you’ve probably also learned that success does not come without failure.

Thomas Edison

Thomas Edison was told by his teacher, “You’re too stupid to learn anything.”

Edison then went on to hold more than 1000 patents and invented life-changing devices like the phonograph, electric lamp, and movie camera.

Oprah Winfrey

Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first television anchor job.  Forbes now estimates her worth to be 2.9 billion dollars, and she’s the undisputed queen of television talk shows.

Walt Disney

Walt Disney was told by a newspaper editor that he “…lacked imagination and had no good ideas”.  However, my childhood, and those of millions of children in the last 50 years, have been enhanced by the talents and ideas of Mr. Disney.

These are examples of failure (or at least, perceived failure at the time) that is sometimes experienced before success comes to fruition.

We may fail, or be only partly successful at the goals we attempt to reach, or in the accomplishments we set out to achieve.  Most of us will not invent a life-changing device, or become the king or queen of talk-show television.

But the truth is – we can be 100% successful in ONE THING!  What is that fail-proof thing?  You’ll have to read my book to find out!

SELF Centered Leadership is an easy, fun read.  My message is inspiring because it resonates truth.  I write of four traits you should master if you want to be exceptional.

My book is available on AMAZON and on my EMERALD CITY CONSULTING website.

In this post I have revealed the number one reason to read my book – never fail at this one thing again!

There are at least 29 other reasons to read SELF Centered Leadership listed below.  It’s easy to click on the links and learn all 30 reasons….

So why haven’t you purchased it yet?

#30 – You’ll learn to prepare for and survive an ODYSSEY!

#29 – You’ll learn how to spot IMITATIONS everywhere!

#28 – I’ll show you an APP to help you make tough decisions

#27 – I’ll introduce the Three P’s of Empowerment and how to apply them in your life

#26 – Wanna overcome regret?  I show you how!

#25 – I will illustrate how YOU can be heroic in your leadership!

#24 – You’ll learn my one-word definition for leadership

#23Friendship can sting.  I’ll tell you what I mean when I introduce you to Lexi and Debbie.

#22 – You’ll learn how to be EXCEPTIONAL!

#21 – You will know how to rise to the top of your fishbowl.

#20 – You will learn how to EMPOWER your life, your love, and your actions!

#19 – Love can be hazardous.  I teach you how to LOVE in a SAFE way.

#18 – My book makes a great stocking stuffer for anyone 12 and up!

#17 – You’ll be surprised to learn the 10 ways you influence others constantly!

#16 – You’ll learn to have charitable, brotherly love year round

#15 – You’ll learn the fishy art of caring for goldfish, and how to navigate your own fishbowl.

#14 – Learn to prepare for winter conditions

#13 – Learn how to communicate with credibility

#12Learn to lead with Intention

#11Learn ways to stop asking, and start helping

#10 – Help someone with oral cancer smile again by purchasing my book on www.smile.amazon.com  choose Oral Cancer Cause

#9 – Stop eating Styrofoam!

#8 – You’ll have access to the SACRIFICE or VICE chart for decision making

#7Pain, Pain, Go Away!

#6Service is the best medicine.

#5 – Learn the Five Imitators of Happiness

#4 – Know the SECRET to get out of bed on those tough day.

#3 – Witness the Power of YES!

#2 – Achieving STYX-to-it-ness!