Category Archives: Kindness

A Cure for Emotional Malignancy

Watch the video above before reading further….


“The mind does not act only through conscious choices…many of its effects are achieved directly on the body’s tissues, without any awareness on our part.”

This is a quote from Dr. Bernie Siegel’s book Love, Medicine & Miracles. In reading his book a second time (I first read it while going through therapy for childhood sexual abuse), I find his suggestions, ideas and research have a lot of merit. I believe my own mother developed Alzheimer’s in the same way that his book suggests many people develop cancer.

“One of the most widely accepted explanations of cancer theory states that cancer cells are developing in our bodies all the time but are normally destroyed by white blood cells before they develop into dangerous tumors. Cancer appears when the immune system becomes suppressed and can no longer deal with the routine threat. It follows that whatever upsets the brain’s control of the immune system will foster malignancy.” ~ Bernie Siegel, MD Love, Medicine & Miracles

It is my belief that malignancy does not have to be cancerous. We cause malignancy of mind and wellness when we refuse to forgive and harbor anger or hatred. When we see ourselves as victims of circumstance rather than searching for ways to be victorious over our circumstances, we develop malignancies of character. We don’t empower ourselves, but actually undermine our God-given power.

“The body responds to the mind’s messages…these may be either ‘live’ or ‘die’ messages.” Besides the fight-or flight response, we also have a “die” mechanism that brings us closer to death when we feel our life is not worth living. ~ Bernie Siegel, MD Love, Medicine & Miracles

My mother is 87 years old. She has lived a life of sadness, fear, and heartbreak. That alone does not cause malignancy. It is holding onto the sadness, fear and heartbreak that cause, first our mind to be depressed, then our physical body to take hold of a “die” mentality. I’ve seen it! I’ve lived with my mother, and I witnessed rare times when she escaped her challenges and focused instead on helping someone else with their challenges.

Perhaps the only way my mother had to escape the regrets in her life was to forget. Why wouldn’t anyone with the same experiences want to forget? There have certainly been times in my life when I wished for emotional Alzheimer’s. How wonderful it would have been to forget all the hurt and pain.

I realize all of us live through tough times, but the difference between my mother and me is that I have learned to forgive and let go of the sadness, fear and heartbreak. I don’t want to forget it, because every experience has shaped my character, and I am confident that my influence has been of worth to others.

Not everyone who suffers a tragic loss, stressful change in lifestyle, is abused as a child, or experiences sadness, fear and heartbreak will develop an illness. The deciding factor seems to be how one copes with the problems they are seemingly powerless to escape from.

“Depression is a partial surrender to death, and it seems that cancer is despair experienced at the cellular level.” – Arnold Hutschnecker The Will to Live

I worked for years to overcome the hatred I felt for my abusers; the hatred I had for myself; and the desire to die so I didn’t have to deal with it. It hasn’t been easy, but as I included supportive people in my healing, it allowed me to let go of it and face it, all at the same time. My mother was never able to do that, and therefore her mind did it for her. If you watched the video associated with this post, you know that she no longer remembers me, nor most of her family. It’s sad, very sad. The saddest part of all is that I truly believe she could have prevented it. In other words, our state of mind has an immediate and direct effect on our state of body. If we ignore our despair, the body receives a “die” message. If we deal with our pain and seek help, then the message is “living is difficult but desirable” and the immune system works to keep us alive.

Self-healing comes from the ability to love self. It comes through SELF centered-ness, SELF-ishness, and SELF reliance. SELF is the acronym I use in my book for the characteristics of exceptional leadership.

  • SACRIFICE
  • EMPOWERMENT
  • LOVE
  • FRIENDSHIP

When these traits are mastered, we have healed our minds, our hearts, and our bodies. We don’t have to worry about emotional malignancies, and we can lead others for good through our influence and intentions.

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I’m so grateful I saw my mother when I did. Even though she did not know me (but for a moment) I’m not sad for her. I’m not sad for me. She is happy. My mother is the happiest I have ever seen her. Her memories, experiences, and personality traits may be gone. Yet, so are her regrets, pain, and fear. She needed Alzheimer’s disease.

Have you learned to forgive and let go of the sadness, fear and heartbreak? Instead of trying to forget, just forgive. Every experience you’ve had will shape your character, and your influence for good will be of worth to others.

Interested in reading my book? It’s on AMAZON. When you purchase through this link, part of the proceeds will go to ORAL CANCER CAUSE to fight malignant cancers of the mouth and throat.

SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional

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Gentlemen, Where Are You?

I recently heard the following verbally spoken in public:

“A nasty guy”

“Lies like a dog over and over again”

“Failed. He’s so awkward and goofy”

“Looks like a little boy. A perfect puppet”

“Lazy. All talk and no action”

“He’s a loser”

You might imagine these words spoken by children on a playground, or by an immature, angry teenager who has deep, personal insecurities.

Sadly, all the above put downs, name calling, and insults were spoken by a well-known figure; a father of five; a man who is wealthy and wants for nothing; a man who should recognize his blessings; a man who should have the mindset of uplifting others because he has achieved so much.

All the words above were said by a candidate for the most powerful office in the world – The President of the United States. They were spoken by Donald Trump.

Donald Trump

Surprisingly, many people support Trump despite his negative rhetoric. However, Donald Trump is certainly not the only candidate who has resorted to such abrasive language.

At a recent political rally another presidential candidate, Marco Rubio, stated this about rival, Donald Trump: “he doesn’t sweat because his pores are clogged from the spray tan. Donald Trump isn’t gonna make America great, he’s gonna make America orange.”

As if personal attacks are not bad enough, other candidates say things by way of speculation knowing they may be reported as truth. For instance, another candidate, Ted Cruz suggested that Trump’s tax returns may show his connection to the mafia.

What in the world has happened to respectful competition? Where have all the gentlemen gone? Where can we find courtesy and civility  in conversation, and especially in positions of leadership?

There is a CRISIS of LEADERSHIP in our country and throughout our society!

In his last State of the Union address, President Obama commented, “The language, the spirit has become meaner than when I came in.”

I believe President Obama is right. I also believe he has a role to play in that meanness.

Barak Obama

Marco Rubio, a sitting Senator (part of the president’s team) remarked, “This president has been the single most divisive political figure this country has had over the last decade.”

Another congressman (team member) said, “There probably has not been a more racially-divisive, economic-divisive president in the White House since we had presidents who supported slavery.”

These are a few members of the president’s legislative team who see him as a non-collaborative leader. I recognize that the United States has become a two-party political system, but it seems to me this has come to mean that a line has been drawn in the sand, and whatever side you call yours is the only one with good ideas, and no possible work can happen together for the COMMON good of both sides.

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True leaders are those who inspire their team to achieve noble results by bringing all ideas to the table and finding common ground to build on. President Obama appears to have done the opposite.

During his presidential campaign, Barack Obama was heard to say, “After we win this election, it’s our turn. Payback time. Everyone not with us is against us, and they better be ready because we don’t forget. The ones who helped us will be rewarded; the ones who opposed us will get what they deserve. There is going to be hell to pay.”

Does that kind of language build trust and rapport with people who have a different view than you do? Does that inspire people to WANT to work with you? Is that what an exceptional LEADER would say?
Before he took office in 2009, knowing half his “team” (Republicans) had a different view from his own, he said of them, “…it’s not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”

 

LEADERSHIP is in decline in America! Kindness and courtesy have been forgotten. Respect and friendship are characteristics that no longer seem important. We are in big trouble, America!

Is it any wonder then, that candidates running for office are immature and unkind to each other? I’m not blaming the president; I’m blaming the ideas of “tolerance” and “equality” that have been buzz words for so many years.

We are expected to be tolerant of the viewpoints and diversity of others, yet it seems that those who preach tolerance the loudest are those who practice it the least.

I’m all for acceptance, love, and respect for ALL PEOPLE, and I sincerely apply these characteristics in all I do. However, I feel forced to tolerate ideas that bring people down instead of lift them up, and when I disagree with certain policies or ideas, I am labeled a hater.

I can’t possibly support ANY of the candidates for president because NONE of them have actually shown proof they can lead with civility and collaboration. Does that mean I hate them? Of course not.

Anyone who would accuse another of hate is most definitely more hateful than the one being accused.

The democratic side of the aisle has offered Hilary Clinton, who has most surely put herself above the law, and who has been dishonest; and Bernie Sanders, who has never governed anything, and who claims he will undo the US Constitution – the ONLY reason we are the exceptional nation we are.

These are the choices we have to make in this current election: individuals who are immature, disrespectful, dishonest, inexperienced, uncivil, and divisive. Great, huh?

A more courteous, kind, and loving society will only happen when we personally are more courteous, kind, and loving. It starts with you. It starts with me. It deepens its roots in our homes. It blossoms as we lead in an exceptional way. It comes to fruition when we see each other as children of God – valued and important, albeit different.

LEADERSHIP IS IN CRISIS! WHAT WILL YOU DO?

What are YOU going to do to decrease hurtful words, meanness and disrespect?

What are YOU going to do to increase your ability to be more courteous, kind and loving?

Our country needs more gentlemen and gentlewomen. We need YOU!

My book. SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional offers some ideas to become exceptional. I hope you’ll read it and tell me what you think.

Sally read my book and said:

This was a wonderful read that held my interest, from beginning to end. I loved how Jackie used her personal and family experiences, throughout her life, to make it *real* and motivational as well. From this book, I actually learned that I have been somewhat of a leader for most of my life. I now know how to do it more effectively and with “full engagement”. By saying “Yes”, I will open my life to more experience and value. I will now strive for exceptional leadership, using the tools that I have learned in this book. I am excited and inspired! Thank you, Jackie. I am very grateful.