A Cure for Emotional Malignancy

Watch the video above before reading further….

“The mind does not act only through conscious choices…many of its effects are achieved directly on the body’s tissues, without any awareness on our part.”

This is a quote from Dr. Bernie Siegel’s book Love, Medicine & Miracles. In reading his book a second time (I first read it while going through therapy for childhood sexual abuse), I find his suggestions, ideas and research have a lot of merit. I believe my own mother developed Alzheimer’s in the same way that his book suggests many people develop cancer.

“One of the most widely accepted explanations of cancer theory states that cancer cells are developing in our bodies all the time but are normally destroyed by white blood cells before they develop into dangerous tumors. Cancer appears when the immune system becomes suppressed and can no longer deal with the routine threat. It follows that whatever upsets the brain’s control of the immune system will foster malignancy.” ~ Bernie Siegel, MD Love, Medicine & Miracles

It is my belief that malignancy does not have to be cancerous. We cause malignancy of mind and wellness when we refuse to forgive and harbor anger or hatred. When we see ourselves as victims of circumstance rather than searching for ways to be victorious over our circumstances, we develop malignancies of character. We don’t empower ourselves, but actually undermine our God-given power.

“The body responds to the mind’s messages…these may be either ‘live’ or ‘die’ messages.” Besides the fight-or flight response, we also have a “die” mechanism that brings us closer to death when we feel our life is not worth living. ~ Bernie Siegel, MD Love, Medicine & Miracles

My mother is 87 years old. She has lived a life of sadness, fear, and heartbreak. That alone does not cause malignancy. It is holding onto the sadness, fear and heartbreak that cause, first our mind to be depressed, then our physical body to take hold of a “die” mentality. I’ve seen it! I’ve lived with my mother, and I witnessed rare times when she escaped her challenges and focused instead on helping someone else with their challenges.

Perhaps the only way my mother had to escape the regrets in her life was to forget. Why wouldn’t anyone with the same experiences want to forget? There have certainly been times in my life when I wished for emotional Alzheimer’s. How wonderful it would have been to forget all the hurt and pain.

I realize all of us live through tough times, but the difference between my mother and me is that I have learned to forgive and let go of the sadness, fear and heartbreak. I don’t want to forget it, because every experience has shaped my character, and I am confident that my influence has been of worth to others.

Not everyone who suffers a tragic loss, stressful change in lifestyle, is abused as a child, or experiences sadness, fear and heartbreak will develop an illness. The deciding factor seems to be how one copes with the problems they are seemingly powerless to escape from.

“Depression is a partial surrender to death, and it seems that cancer is despair experienced at the cellular level.” – Arnold Hutschnecker The Will to Live

I worked for years to overcome the hatred I felt for my abusers; the hatred I had for myself; and the desire to die so I didn’t have to deal with it. It hasn’t been easy, but as I included supportive people in my healing, it allowed me to let go of it and face it, all at the same time. My mother was never able to do that, and therefore her mind did it for her. If you watched the video associated with this post, you know that she no longer remembers me, nor most of her family. It’s sad, very sad. The saddest part of all is that I truly believe she could have prevented it. In other words, our state of mind has an immediate and direct effect on our state of body. If we ignore our despair, the body receives a “die” message. If we deal with our pain and seek help, then the message is “living is difficult but desirable” and the immune system works to keep us alive.

Self-healing comes from the ability to love self. It comes through SELF centered-ness, SELF-ishness, and SELF reliance. SELF is the acronym I use in my book for the characteristics of exceptional leadership.

  • LOVE

When these traits are mastered, we have healed our minds, our hearts, and our bodies. We don’t have to worry about emotional malignancies, and we can lead others for good through our influence and intentions.


I’m so grateful I saw my mother when I did. Even though she did not know me (but for a moment) I’m not sad for her. I’m not sad for me. She is happy. My mother is the happiest I have ever seen her. Her memories, experiences, and personality traits may be gone. Yet, so are her regrets, pain, and fear. She needed Alzheimer’s disease.

Have you learned to forgive and let go of the sadness, fear and heartbreak? Instead of trying to forget, just forgive. Every experience you’ve had will shape your character, and your influence for good will be of worth to others.

Interested in reading my book? It’s on AMAZON. When you purchase through this link, part of the proceeds will go to ORAL CANCER CAUSE to fight malignant cancers of the mouth and throat.

SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional


From Rubble to Restoration – the Secret to Happiness

Dieter F. Uchtdorf recently shared a memory of his childhood in Germany during World War II. He was four years old at the time and recalls, “Massive firestorms, caused by thousands of tons of explosives, swept through Dresden, destroying more than 90 percent of the city and leaving little but rubble and ash in their wake.”

City of Dresden, Germany
Dresden, Germany after the destruction of World War II

Of Dresden, which was once nicknamed “the jewel box”, Erich Kästner, a German author, wrote: “In a thousand years was her beauty built, in one night was it utterly destroyed.”

Mr. Uchtdorf states, “During my childhood I could not imagine how the destruction of a war our own people had started could ever be overcome. The world around us appeared totally hopeless and without any future.”

However, 70 years after the war, Dieter has gone back to the city of Dresden, and witnessed that it is, once again, a “Jewel Box” of a city. The ruins have been cleared. The city is restored, and even improved.

Lutheran Church Frauenkirche after war
The Church of Our Lady reduced to rubble

“The beautiful Lutheran church Frauenkirche, the Church of Our Lady, was originally built in the 1700s. The war reduced it to a pile of rubble. For many years it remained that way, until finally it was determined that the Frauenkirche would be rebuilt.”

The new Frauenkirche—reconstructed over seven years by architects using 3D computer technology to analyze old photographs and every piece of rubble that had been kept—was formally consecrated on 30 October 2005.

“Stones from the destroyed church had been stored, cataloged, and when possible, were used in the reconstruction. Today you can see these fire-blackened stones pockmarking the outer walls. These scars are a monument to hope—a magnificent symbol of man’s ability to create new life from ashes.”

Lutheran Church Frauenkirche after rebuilding
The Church of Our Lady rebuilt with original stones

Frauenkirche illustrates that no matter how ruined your life may seem; no matter how deep your bitterness, loneliness, or broken heart may be, all that is lost CAN BE RESTORED.

Are you without hope? Are you despairing; perhaps feeling betrayed?  There is no life so shattered that it cannot be restored.

Erich Kästner said, “There is nothing good unless you do it.”

How do you rebuild? You start with a foundation of service to someone else. The love you show to another in service will be the bricks that one by one will rebuild your love of self.

Shark Tank3

Robert Herjavec, a “shark” on the TV show Shark Tank, learned that lesson when, despite his millionaire status, prestige, and blessed life, he lost the most important aspect of happiness – his partner. His wife divorced him, and Robert was devastated, even suicidal.

Herjavec reached out to his pastor John McAuley, who steered him to Seattle’s Union Gospel Mission, an innovative shelter that provides emergency care and long-term recovery services to the homeless.

The next day, a despondent Herjavec arrived in Seattle, made his way to the downtown shelter and was promptly put to work in the soup kitchen. “Nobody knew who I was,” he says. “People thought I was a recovering addict.”

The pain of his own life was soon eclipsed by the “suffering and hopelessness” of the desperate men and women he met in the shelter. Before long, Herjavec was heading out on late-night “search and rescue missions,” bringing food and other essentials to “this whole world of people living beneath underpasses and under trees, who aren’t well enough to make it into the shelter.” At one point, he bought out all of a local Walmart’s inventory of socks to hand out – “I think I’ve donated around 100,000 pairs,” he says.

“I always used to think that if you are compassionate, you are weak,” Herjavec says. “You see that on our show.”

After two and a half weeks, Herjavec left the streets of Seattle humbled.

Robert Herjavec3

“I was hollow and broken,” says Herjavec, who still volunteers at the Seattle shelter whenever he can and helps support it financially. “And these people saved my life.”

Love and service helped Robert Herjavec rebuild his tattered life. Love and service will help you as well.

You may keep the scars of whatever trauma you’ve been through – just as the Frauenkirsche has lasting scars of darkened bricks. Let those scars illustrate the strength you’ve gained, the beautiful monument your life has become, and the reminder that service to others is the only way to save your own life.


Payroll, Paychecks, and People: Jessica’s Story

Medical office

Jessica had worked temporarily for Dr. Bean two weeks, and had two more weeks until her work order was completed. The permanent staff was getting paid this Thursday – a day Jessica was not scheduled to work. The following week the office would be closed.

Jessica expected a check in the mail over the weekend from Dr. Bean’s office. When It hadn’t arrived by Monday, she called the office to leave a message – hoping that someone would be checking the messages while the office was closed.

“Hello, this is Jessica. I understand the office is closed this week and that the pay period ended last week. I was just wondering when I might expect my paycheck. Will it be mailed to me?”

The temp agency called Jessica the next day, Tuesday.

“Hi. This is Keri from Temporary Professionals. We received a call from Heidi at Dr. Bean’s office who wanted me to pass along a message to you. Your paycheck is in the mail.”

Cliche’ yet appropriate, Jessica thought. However, as the days passed with no paycheck, the cliche’ seemed to prove true to its reputation of insincerity and dishonesty. There would be no point in leaving another message at the office so late in the week.

By Monday morning – now 10 days after the pay period ended – Jessica was worried about how long it might take to fix the problem or find the lost check. She sought out the office manager and stated her concern.

“Heidi, I never received my paycheck. I heard from the agency that you’d sent it out, but I never got it.”

“I sent it.”

“Do you know what address it was sent to? Perhaps it went to the wrong place,” Jessica inquired.

“Well,” Heidi said. “Kelly sent it out. She does payroll. I’ll have to call her. If it went to the wrong address, then we’ll see if Kelly can put a stop on the check and reissue one for you. I’ll give her a call this morning.”


Lunch was several hours later, and Heidi had not mentioned the paycheck issue to Jessica again. Just before going to lunch, Jessica approached Heidi a second time.

“Heidi, did you get a chance to speak with Kelly yet?”

“No. I’ll do that right now.”

Jessica expected to have news from Heidi when she came back from lunch, but Heidi was busy and didn’t report anything. Another hour passed, and Jessica noticed an employee list on the wall near the desk she was working from. Kelly’s name and cell number was on the list.


“Hello, Kelly. This is Jessica, who has been doing some temporary work at Dr.Bean’s office. Heidi said she was going to call you about an issue with my paycheck, have you spoken with her today?”

“No. What’s going on?”

“I didn’t receive my paycheck from the last period. I was told last Monday that it had gone out in the mail, but I haven’t gotten it yet a week later.”

“I left your check in the outgoing mail on Friday, and I told Heidi it was there. I don’t know if she sent it out then or later. If it didn’t go out, then it still might be sitting there. Has the mail gone out today?”

The mail had been taken to the post office that morning. Jessica had minded the desk while Melanie left to get mail from last week.

“Oh, no! Is there a chance that it just went out today???” Jessica was disappointed to think that her paycheck may have slipped from her grasp. Maybe Heidi was not truthful in her statement the check is in the mail one week ago.

Kelly asked, “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“I guess not. If it just went out today, then I won’t get it for a few more days yet. Ugh!”

Kelly offered a solution, “If you don’t get it by today, then we can reissue you another check tomorrow.”

Jessica began to feel as if the paycheck she worked hard to earn and deserved to have, was not sent when she was told it was. Why would she get the check today when it had not come everyday last week?

Why didn’t they call me that Thursday it was processed and give me the option to come pick it up? Jessica thought. She was aware of the law – Dr. Bean legally had 30 days to pay her. That would be fine had she not been told it was on it’s way to her.

As the minutes passed, Jessica was feeling more and more mistreated. And it wasn’t the first time. Just three months earlier this same scenario played out with a different temporary employer. That office had also claimed her check was in the mail, but each day that passed, and with each day it didn’t arrive, she felt more and more betrayed. Finally, when the legal 30 days was up, Jessica walked into the office to ask for her paycheck. Oh, the run around that occurred, and the passing of the buck she witnessed confirmed to her that they had no intention of paying her. Excuse and defensive excuse after another made it easy to see that she was being lied to. Was it happening again????

After a few more minutes of stewing over the situation, Jessica approached Dr. Bean in his office.

“Dr. Bean, may I talk to you about something?”

After his approval, Jessica continued.

“I didn’t get my paycheck.”

“What? Say that again?” Dr. Bean asked.

“I didn’t get my paycheck, and Heidi says it was sent, and she was going to talk with Kelly but she didn’t…”

He interrupted. “I know nothing about payroll. I don’t even know how to do payroll. You’ll have to talk with Kelly about that.”

“I did talk with Kelly, and no one seems to know where it is.”

“Well, I don’t have any solution for you. I don’t know anything about payroll. Do you have a solution? Why are you telling me this?”

“Dr. Bean, the solution I would suggest is to put a stop on the first check since we don’t know where it is and reissue a check for me.”

“I don’t know how to figure out payroll. I never write checks.”

“If I called Kelly and learned the amount the check was written for, would you write a new check? Do you have a checkbook here?” Jessica asked.

“Hold on. Let’s figure out what’s going on here.” He stormed out of the room, and Jessica assumed he’d be heading to Heidi. She was right.

A few minutes later, Heidi approached Jessica at the desk where she’d been working and said, “I need to use your desk so I can call Kelly.”


It was 5:00 now. Jessica used her cell phone to call home. “Please check the mail. Is there a check for me from Dr. Bean?”

“Yes. It’s post marked with Saturday’s date – just last Saturday.”

UGH! There was no way Jessica’s check would take one week to get to her mailbox if it had been mailed out when Heidi said it had been. Jessica felt lied to, and worse – she’d gotten the run-around because no one wanted to confess that they’d not been telling the truth! It appeared to Jessica that paying temporary employees was not a priority at this practice.

“I mailed it on Monday. I don’t know why it would take so long to get to you,” Heidi explained. “I would never lie to you, Jessica. I would not try to deceive you in any way. I didn’t mail it at the post office, though. I put it in an outgoing mailbox at Safeway. I guess I don’t know when their mail is picked up.”

“Heidi, it’s just not possible that it would take that long to get to me and contain a post mark from this past Saturday.” Jessica replied.

Jessica worked two more hours that day, finding it hard to do. She was thankful her check had been found, but she was still feeling upset that no one else associated with Dr. Bean saw reason for her to be upset about not being paid when she was told she would be.

Jessica had creditors who’d been calling her about monies owed them. Getting her paycheck was necessary to pay her overdue bills. She was experiencing a financial crunch, and waiting for her paycheck, then worrying that she may not get it for a few more days was very disheartening.

The next day, Heidi explained that she and Kelly had been offended by Jessica’s actions and attitude. Jessica was surprised to learn that THEY were offended. Didn’t they understand what SHE was feeling?

Heidi confessed that Jessica’s check was likely left in the outgoing mail at the office for the entire week the office was closed until Heidi had come into the office the Friday before, saw a pile of mail to go out, and took it to Safeway.

“I didn’t see your check in the pile of mail, but I can only assume it was in there. It probably went out five days after I told you it had.”

No apology came from Heidi. She simply said, “I would never lie to you. There would be no reason for us to hold your check.”


Are there lessons to be learned from Jessica’s story?

How did it make you feel?

Who is in the right?

Who is in the wrong?

What, if anything, should have been done differently?

Gentlemen, Where Are You?

I recently heard the following verbally spoken in public:

“A nasty guy”

“Lies like a dog over and over again”

“Failed. He’s so awkward and goofy”

“Looks like a little boy. A perfect puppet”

“Lazy. All talk and no action”

“He’s a loser”

You might imagine these words spoken by children on a playground, or by an immature, angry teenager who has deep, personal insecurities.

Sadly, all the above put downs, name calling, and insults were spoken by a well-known figure; a father of five; a man who is wealthy and wants for nothing; a man who should recognize his blessings; a man who should have the mindset of uplifting others because he has achieved so much.

All the words above were said by a candidate for the most powerful office in the world – The President of the United States. They were spoken by Donald Trump.

Donald Trump

Surprisingly, many people support Trump despite his negative rhetoric. However, Donald Trump is certainly not the only candidate who has resorted to such abrasive language.

At a recent political rally another presidential candidate, Marco Rubio, stated this about rival, Donald Trump: “he doesn’t sweat because his pores are clogged from the spray tan. Donald Trump isn’t gonna make America great, he’s gonna make America orange.”

As if personal attacks are not bad enough, other candidates say things by way of speculation knowing they may be reported as truth. For instance, another candidate, Ted Cruz suggested that Trump’s tax returns may show his connection to the mafia.

What in the world has happened to respectful competition? Where have all the gentlemen gone? Where can we find courtesy and civility  in conversation, and especially in positions of leadership?

There is a CRISIS of LEADERSHIP in our country and throughout our society!

In his last State of the Union address, President Obama commented, “The language, the spirit has become meaner than when I came in.”

I believe President Obama is right. I also believe he has a role to play in that meanness.

Barak Obama

Marco Rubio, a sitting Senator (part of the president’s team) remarked, “This president has been the single most divisive political figure this country has had over the last decade.”

Another congressman (team member) said, “There probably has not been a more racially-divisive, economic-divisive president in the White House since we had presidents who supported slavery.”

These are a few members of the president’s legislative team who see him as a non-collaborative leader. I recognize that the United States has become a two-party political system, but it seems to me this has come to mean that a line has been drawn in the sand, and whatever side you call yours is the only one with good ideas, and no possible work can happen together for the COMMON good of both sides.


True leaders are those who inspire their team to achieve noble results by bringing all ideas to the table and finding common ground to build on. President Obama appears to have done the opposite.

During his presidential campaign, Barack Obama was heard to say, “After we win this election, it’s our turn. Payback time. Everyone not with us is against us, and they better be ready because we don’t forget. The ones who helped us will be rewarded; the ones who opposed us will get what they deserve. There is going to be hell to pay.”

Does that kind of language build trust and rapport with people who have a different view than you do? Does that inspire people to WANT to work with you? Is that what an exceptional LEADER would say?
Before he took office in 2009, knowing half his “team” (Republicans) had a different view from his own, he said of them, “…it’s not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”


LEADERSHIP is in decline in America! Kindness and courtesy have been forgotten. Respect and friendship are characteristics that no longer seem important. We are in big trouble, America!

Is it any wonder then, that candidates running for office are immature and unkind to each other? I’m not blaming the president; I’m blaming the ideas of “tolerance” and “equality” that have been buzz words for so many years.

We are expected to be tolerant of the viewpoints and diversity of others, yet it seems that those who preach tolerance the loudest are those who practice it the least.

I’m all for acceptance, love, and respect for ALL PEOPLE, and I sincerely apply these characteristics in all I do. However, I feel forced to tolerate ideas that bring people down instead of lift them up, and when I disagree with certain policies or ideas, I am labeled a hater.

I can’t possibly support ANY of the candidates for president because NONE of them have actually shown proof they can lead with civility and collaboration. Does that mean I hate them? Of course not.

Anyone who would accuse another of hate is most definitely more hateful than the one being accused.

The democratic side of the aisle has offered Hilary Clinton, who has most surely put herself above the law, and who has been dishonest; and Bernie Sanders, who has never governed anything, and who claims he will undo the US Constitution – the ONLY reason we are the exceptional nation we are.

These are the choices we have to make in this current election: individuals who are immature, disrespectful, dishonest, inexperienced, uncivil, and divisive. Great, huh?

A more courteous, kind, and loving society will only happen when we personally are more courteous, kind, and loving. It starts with you. It starts with me. It deepens its roots in our homes. It blossoms as we lead in an exceptional way. It comes to fruition when we see each other as children of God – valued and important, albeit different.


What are YOU going to do to decrease hurtful words, meanness and disrespect?

What are YOU going to do to increase your ability to be more courteous, kind and loving?

Our country needs more gentlemen and gentlewomen. We need YOU!

My book. SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional offers some ideas to become exceptional. I hope you’ll read it and tell me what you think.

Sally read my book and said:

This was a wonderful read that held my interest, from beginning to end. I loved how Jackie used her personal and family experiences, throughout her life, to make it *real* and motivational as well. From this book, I actually learned that I have been somewhat of a leader for most of my life. I now know how to do it more effectively and with “full engagement”. By saying “Yes”, I will open my life to more experience and value. I will now strive for exceptional leadership, using the tools that I have learned in this book. I am excited and inspired! Thank you, Jackie. I am very grateful.






All you Need is Love…in Leadership

Martin Luther King, Jr. is best known for his role in the advancement of civil rights using nonviolent civil disobedience based on his Christian beliefs. In other words, Dr. King fought what many viewed as hatred for certain people, by leading in the community with love and discipline.

On October 14, 1964, Dr. King was presented the Nobel Peace Prize for his ability to combat racial inequality in a non-violent way.

It is possible to lead in love. It is possible for love to change people’s hearts. It is possible to fight for the noblest of causes with love.

Below are some of Dr. King’s most inspiring and poignant words – spoken with a love for people, country, and the ideal of positive change in the human spirit.

62. Molder of consensus

63. Installment plan

64. Labor that uplifts

65. Progress

66. Decide to Wallk in the light

67. Faith

68. Spiritual Control

What has Dr. King taught you about leading with love? Is it possible? It is important?

How will LOVE influence your leadership from this point forward?

You will learn how to love your self and others by reading my book, SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional and Exceptional. It’s available on Amazon.


How to Influence a Life

One year ago today, my husband and I made a decision that changed the course of two lives. We went to the Lynnwood, Washington chapter of the Progressive Animal Welfare Society (PAWS).

We had been without a pet dog for two years, and it was time to welcome that special spirit back into our home – that spirit that only a dog can bring.

From the PAWS website we found Newan and Babies – a bonded pair of dogs who had been either taken from a neglectful environment, or surrendered to authorities. They were both listed as Australian Shepherd mixes; Newan, a male of six years old; and Babies, a female of seven years old. Both breed and age were guesses, since there was really no way to know their entire history.

We were told that Newan and Babies had been so neglected that their extremely matted fur contained nails and other construction materials stuck in the mats. We had to wait a few days to finalize the adoption because they had both suffered from bordetella pertussis (kennel cough), they were underweight, and their health would need to be cleared by a veterinarian on staff.

When the day came (one year ago) that they were ready to come home with us, we were very excited.

2015-2-18 Newman and Paisley adoption
Meeting Newan and Babies at PAWS in Lynnwood 2-18-15

We didn’t know how long Newan and Babies had had their names. They had come to Washington from California. Had they been given these names from birth? Did the original California rescuers give them their names? Did PAWS give them these names? Our inquiries were not answered, so we decided to change their names to something that sounded close to Newan and Babies to avoid traumatizing their identity on top of everything else.

Newan became NEWMAN, and Babies became PAISLEY. My husband and I are big fans of Paul Newman and Brad Paisley, so it made sense.

2015-2-18 Newman and Paisley come home
Newman and Paisley on their first day in our home 2-18-15

From day one, we noticed evidence of abuse with Newman and Paisley. They did not know how to play. Let me repeat: THEY DID NOT KNOW HOW TO PLAY. In fact, both dogs seemed afraid of toys, as if balls and stuffed, squeaky objects had been used to hurt them.

Both Newman and Paisley disliked being touched on the behind. Pet his or her tail, and they would run away. It seemed as though their tails had been pulled often, and probably violently. Not to mention that Paisley would run with her rear-end down. This suggested that she’d been kicked often.

I also believe, as evidence would suggest, that Newman and Paisley had been trapped or tricked prior to an abusive human encounter. They would not, and still do not, go into a room that has no exit. It was even difficult for them to walk in front of us because I think they feared they’d be kicked.

It is sad to think about the past abuse they’ve experienced. On the other hand, it feels so good to know that we’ve given Newman and Paisley a better life.

2015 Newman content boy          2015 Paisley content girl

The biggest test Newman and Paisley had to face was our grandchildren. We worried the dogs would be frightened or aggressive toward smaller humans (let face it, we’ve all been a little uneasy with smaller humans from time to time). Our fears were quickly forgotten, because Newman and Paisley are FABULOUS with our grandchildren!

2015-5-10 Sam walking Paisley

“Paisley is just so sweet”, says Sam, our 6-year old grandson.

Sam is right. Both dogs are very sweet. Even though they don’t play with toys, and still haven’t overcome all of their trust issues, they are so much happier than they were on that day one year ago. I think they feel settled in our home, and are so happy to be cuddled, petted and loved.

2015-3-7 Newman and mom

I recommend adopting a rescue dog. We love the Australian Shepherd breed, and looked for one in our search to adopt. We didn’t get full-bred animals, but we see the best characteristics of the breed in Newman and Paisley. We are so happy with our choice.

Happy anniversary, Newman and Paisley!

Platitudes of U.S. Presidents

Today is Presidents Day in the United States. With appreciation, I celebrate my admiration; renew my dedication; and strive to forget any aggravation, with the 42 men who’ve led this great, yet struggling nation.

Despite differences in viewpoints and policy, every President of the United States  has chosen to lead because of love for country. Therefore, I share with you the words they spoke as they led in love. I hope their words will inspire you to increase your love for leadership, and that you’ll love more those you lead.

George Washington 1789-1797
Happiness and moral duty are inseparably connected”

John Adams 1797 – 1801
“Let us tenderly and kindly cherish, therefore, the means of knowledge. Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write”

Thomas Jefferson 1801 – 1809
“In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock”

James Madison 1809 – 1817
“Philosophy is common sense with big words”

James Monroe 1817 – 1825
“A little flattery will support a man through great fatigue”

John Quincy Adams

John Quincy Adams 1825-1829
“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader”

Andrew Jackson 1829 – 1837
“Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in”

Martin Van Buren 1837 – 1841
“I cannot expect to perform the task with equal ability and success”

William Henry Harrison 1841 – 1841
“There is nothing more corrupting, nothing more destructive of the noblest and finest feelings of our nature, than the exercise of unlimited power”

John Tyler 1841 – 1845
“I can never consent to being dictated to”

Portrait Print of President James K. Polk after a Daguerrotype by Matthew Brady

James K. Polk 1845 – 1849
“No president who performs his duties faithfully and conscientiously can have any leisure”

Zachary Taylor 1849 – 1850
“I have always done my duty”

Millard Fillmore 1850 – 1853
“It is not strange…to mistake change for progress”

Franklin Pierce 1853 – 1857
“With the Union my best and dearest earthly hopes are entwined”

James Buchanan 1857 – 1861
“The test of leadership is not to put greatness into humanity, but to elicit it, for the greatness is already there”

Abraham Lincoln2

Abraham Lincoln 1861 – 1865
“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power”

Andrew Johnson 1865 – 1869
“Honest conviction is my courage”

Ulysses S. Grant 1869 – 1877
“It is men who wait to be selected, and not those who seek, from whom we may expect the most efficient service”

Rutherford B. Hayes 1877 – 1881
“Must swear off from swearing. Bad habit”

James A. Garfield 1881 – 1881
“A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck”

Chester A Arthur

Chester A. Arthur 1881 – 1885
“I may be president of the United States, but my private life is nobody’s damned business”

Grover Cleveland 1885 – 1889
“Someday I will be better remembered”

William McKinley 1889 – 1901
“That’s all a man can hope for during his lifetime – to set an example – and when he is dead, to be an inspiration for history”

Theodore Roosevelt 1901 – 1909
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are”

William Howard Taft 1909 – 1913
“Enthusiasm for a cause sometimes warps judgement”


Woodrow Wilson

Woodrow Wilson 1913 – 1921
“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together”

Warren G. Harding 1921 – 1923
“I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies all right. But my damn friends…they’re the ones that keep me walking the floor nights!”

Calvin Coolidge 1923 – 1929
“No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave”

Herbert Hoover 1929 – 1933
“Words without actions are the assassins of idealism”

Franklin D. Roosevelt 1933 – 1945
“Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort”

President Harry S. Truman

Harry S. Truman 1945 – 1953
“It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit”

Dwight D. Eisenhower 1953 – 1961
“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it”

John F. Kennedy 1961 – 1963
“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction”

Lyndon B. Johnson 1963 – 1969
“The noblest search is the search for excellence”

Richard Nixon 1969 – 1974
“Always remember others may hate you, but those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself”

Gerald Ford

Gerald Ford 1974 – 1977
“I had a lot of experience with people smarter than I am”

Jimmy Carter 1977 – 1981
“We must adjust to changing times and still hold to unchanging principles”

Ronald Reagan 1981 – 1989
“Some people wonder all their lives if they’ve made a difference. The Marines don’t have that problem”

George H.W. Bush 1989 – 1993
“We must act on what we know. I take as my guide the hope of a saint: In crucial things, unity; in important things, diversity; in all things, generosity”

Bill Clinton 1993 – 2001
“Let us all take more responsibility, not only for ourselves and our families but for our communities and our country”

George W. Bush 2001-2009
“We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail”

Barak Obama

Barack Obama 2009 –
“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change we seek”

Which quote is your favorite? Which president was/is your favorite? How will you improve your leadership?

If you’d like to be an exceptional leader, I invite you to read my book, SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional, and Exceptional now available on Amazon.



A Leader Who Empowered

Abraham Lincoln2

The WhiteHouse.Gov site explains that Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States used his leadership to empower those who had no power. In 1863, following years of civil war, he issued the Emancipation Proclamation that declared slaves within the Confederacy were forever free.

There was surely a time in Abraham Lincoln’s life when he felt powerless as well. He had struggled like many people of his time. He wrote:

“I was born Feb. 12, 1809, in Hardin County, Kentucky. My parents were both born in Virginia, of undistinguished families–second families, perhaps I should say. My mother, who died in my tenth year, was of a family of the name of Hanks…. My father … removed from Kentucky to … Indiana, in my eighth year…. It was a wild region, with many bears and other wild animals still in the woods. There I grew up…. Of course when I came of age I did not know much. Still somehow, I could read, write, and cipher … but that was all.”

Nevertheless, Lincoln worked hard on the farm, gaining knowledge at every opportunity. He was described by his law partner: “His ambition was a little engine that knew no rest.”

Abraham Lincoln was guided by the principles of leadership that I identify in my book, SELF Centered Leadership: Becoming Influential, Intentional, and Exceptional. He understood sacrifice for, empowerment of, love for, and friendship of all his countrymen. He lived a humble life of service, and was guided by principles of moral good.

Inscribed on one wall of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D. C. are his words:

“With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation’s wounds…. “

It is my hope that you and I will live a life guided by these same principles, that we will have ambition without rest to empower and enhance the lives of those within our influence. May we strive to be EXCEPTIONAL LEADERS, as was Abraham Lincoln.

I invite you to share your thoughts about this, or any other great leader by commenting on this post. Thank you so much for reading it.


Leadership: Your Potential to Empower

Carly Fiorina, former 2016 Republican Candidate for President of the United States

Carly Fiorina

As with any one of the 2016 Republican or Democratic candidates for President, you either feel Carly Fiorina is qualified to lead the country, or not. The Republican field was wide this election season, with around 17 candidates to choose from. Some of the candidates we are familiar with, while some we had not heard of before he/she took the political stage.

This post is not meant to be an endorsement for, nor an opinion against Carly Fiorina. I write this today to simply focus on some aspects of leadership I believe Carly and I agree on.

When announcing the end of her run for President yesterday, February 10, 2016, Carly Fiorina said the following. (It can be found verbatim at her website CarlyForPresident.com)


This campaign was always about citizenship—taking back our country from a political class that only serves the big, the powerful, the wealthy, and the well connected. Election after election, the same empty promises are made and the same poll-tested stump speeches are given, but nothing changes. I’ve said throughout this campaign that I will not sit down and be quiet. I’m not going to start now. While I suspend my candidacy today, I will continue to travel this country and fight for those Americans who refuse to settle for the way things are and a status quo that no longer works for them.

Our Republican Party must fight alongside these Americans as well. We must end crony capitalism by fighting the policies that allow it to flourish. We must fix our festering problems by holding our bloated, inept government bureaucracy accountable. Republicans must stand for conservative principles that lift people up and recognize all Americans have the right to fulfill their God-given potential.

To young girls and women across the country, I say: do not let others define you. Do not listen to anyone who says you have to vote a certain way or for a certain candidate because you’re a woman. That is not feminism. Feminism doesn’t shut down conversations or threaten women. It is not about ideology. It is not a weapon to wield against your political opponent. A feminist is a woman who lives the life she chooses and uses all her God-given gifts. And always remember that a leader is not born, but made. Choose leadership.

As I have said to the many wonderful Americans I have met throughout this campaign, a leader is a servant whose highest calling is to unlock potential in others. I will continue to serve in order to restore citizen government to this great nation so that together we may fulfill our potential.

In four paragraphs I find some exquisite gems of leadership by Carly. It is her ideas I write about today.

“…a leader is not born, but made. Choose leadership”

We all come to earth in the same way. It does not matter where we are born, what time in history, or how our mother ranked on the social scale. From the moment of birth, we all have to develop the ability to walk, talk, and overcome the fear of pain and failure.

It is through our common experiences on the same planet that our ability to lead will be developed. Leadership is a small seed in each of us. However, at some point we will choose to lead or not. In other words, we influence (or lead) others every day of our life. People watch us, learn from us, and sometimes imitate us even if we don’t know it.

Choosing leadership, as Carly suggests, means to use the influence, abilities, and experiences we’ve had to add to the influence, abilities and experiences of someone else.

“…a leader is a servant whose highest calling is to unlock potential in others”

Until you decide that life is NOT about you, then you will never be truly happy. Life is about empowering those you love to be whom they have the potential to be.

Parenting is the most perfect example of true leadership. Parenting involves sacrificing your own needs for the needs (and usually the wants) of your children. Even if you don’t have children, you can recall the example of sacrifice from your own parents, or from people in your life who shaped the good parts of who you are. Exceptional leaders have that kind of influence over their fellow human beings.

Leadership, as Carly mentions, is the act of identifying the potential in someone else, helping them see it, and then teaching them ways to empower their future through the best choices. Leadership is not about gaining followers so you can be lifted higher in status. True leadership is serving others in a way that helps them see their own value and purpose. Those who lead best are those who love to serve.

61. Servant leadership

“A feminist is a woman who lives the life she chooses and uses all her God-given gifts”

I completely agree with Carly in her idea that women should never be made to feel less than they are, especially by other women. When women are told that they will happier and more successful in life by destroying the potential of someone weaker or more vulnerable than herself, she is undermining her true happiness in every way. The same goes for men.

Women and men should seek to develop relationships founded in love and friendship. Let’s work to develop deeper, long lasting ties with people, than just casual moments of pleasure and fun. If we do, our lives will be much more fulfilling, and we’ll have fewer regrets.

Carly Fiorina may have made a great President, or not. We may never know. However, I can see by her behavior, her experience, and her ability to fight for what is good and right, that she is, has been, and will continue to be, a great leader.

You likely remember the exchange she had with another candidate, Donald Trump, after he insulted her looks:


I implore you to explore your leadership. Are you influencing for good the lives of others, or are you focused on getting ahead? I have written a book which defines what exceptional leadership is. I invite you to read it. I’m confident it will help you develop the most important traits of leadership.

Slide ad for book

Buy it on Amazon today!

Tell me what you think of leadership. Do you agree with me and Carly?

What if You’re C.) “All of the Above”?

*WARNING: The following post contains a rant. The writer is subject to:

A.) Fly off the handle

B.) Break down in tears

C.) Crawl under a rock

D.) Be prepared for whatever LIES ahead.

I rarely rant (okay, my husband and children would say otherwise) Yet, today I have stewed about a particular situation all last weekend, and it’s time to let it out! WHAAAA!

I am embarrassed to say that I’m looking for a job. I have owned my own business (Emerald City Consulting) for 8 years. It has been profitable at times, and not so profitable at other times. It takes money to advertise in the never ending fragmented ways that exist in today’s ever changing marketplace, and my marketing budget is non-existent. Therefore, since August I have been actively seeking employment.

In the course of my 35 year career, I have accumulated vast and varied skills. Rather than be viewed as well-rounded, I think it’s probably working against me in the hunt for a job. It’s like taking a true/false test, when I have a multiple choice background.

“Yes, I can do all of the above”. Therefore, my search for a job has been vast and varied. I have experience in many areas, rather than 35 years building on just one skill.

For this reason, I don’t remember exactly what the ad on www.Indeed.com said that caused me to apply for a particular job last week. There were likely a multitude of ways I “fit the bill”.  I was happy to receive an email last week from Catherine Smith in HR at Dynamic Concepts, Inc. She was requesting an interview with me. In 10 weeks of submitting over 100 resumes, this would be merely my second actual interview. (Perhaps I should have been suspicious).

Even though I had no memory of placing the application, nor did I remember the job description, I took the opportunity to look at the website for Dynamic Concepts, Inc. Here are a few screen shots from their website.

What would YOU believe Dynamic Concepts, Inc. to be known for?

My interpretation was thus:

They are a company who works with clients to increase the client’s branding and marketing efforts.

It sounded to me as though they had a unique approach to helping their clients manage and market their businesses. I was ALL ABOUT these ideas, and I was excited for an interview. Furthermore, their website touted the following (I’ve bolded the words/phrases that appealed to my skills and abilities):

  1. Success in unprecedented growth for the clients we work with by following a couple of core principles. Targeted outreach programs place branding specialists in front of an ideal buying audience to produce rapid returns. An emphasis on team building allows for the highest standard of service to be duplicated into new markets at an accelerated rate.
  2. The standard of excellence we provide has allowed us the opportunity to partner with nationally recognized name brands. As such, we are committed to maintaining the highest levels of professionalism because we know that we are not only representing ourselves, but the top-notch clients that put their faith in us.
  3. We are continually able to reach new markets and demographics with the help of our global network. Our clients know that we are not alone when marketing their brand. A solid network of marketing executives enables us to become fast and efficient problem-solvers. We can respond immediately should any situation arise.
  4. The most significant factor in our success is the experience of the consumer. We are diligent about following up spectacular campaigns with exceptional support and customer service. Our approach is convenient and cost-effective for the consumer, allowing them more freedom with their time and money without sacrificing on quality.

The Dynamic Concepts, Inc. website was done very well. Large amounts of money had been spent on its engaging and motivating content and layout. I looked forward to my interview in Renton – a few miles from where I live!

A few minutes before my scheduled interview time last Friday, I pulled into an industrial park. Industrial park? The first clue that Dynamic Concepts, Inc. may not meet my expectations.

I found building 10. Amid a sea of doors, I saw one labeled “Dynamic Concepts, Inc.”

Upon entering the door, I came face to face with a young man sitting at a desk. He looked like an adolescent trying to look like an adult. He was wearing a bow tie and a suit jacket that was at least three sizes too big.  It reminded me of this scene in the movie, Beetlejuice:

Okay, he was a nice enough looking young man, but this picture illustrates the thought that came to mind because of his over-sized clothing.

I was feeling uneasy, but took the one-page application form he offered and filled it out. Then, an adolescent-looking girl asked me to follow her into a small, poorly decorated office. She explained that this was a short “get to know you” meeting.

She asked what had drawn me to their ad.

“I actually don’t remember the ad, but I am drawn to some words and phrases on your website – mentoring, management, marketing, and client support”, I replied.

She asked, “What two words describe you?”

“Professionalism and eloquence” I said. (Yeah, corny. Whatever)

She began to describe Dynamic Concepts, Inc. as a company that uses event marketing to support their clients. “Clients”, she said “like Kroger, Costco and gas stations.”

She then showed me a picture of “what our members do”. It was a picture of three young people wearing orange safety jackets standing under a portable pop-up tent behind a table with spray-paint-can-like objects on the table.

“Where are they?” I asked.

“This is at a Kroger store. Right now, we are new to Washington, so we have two products we feature – a car wax and windshield repair. But the company has over 75 products.”

I’m trying to wrap my brain around what I’m hearing. I point to the picture. “Are these Kroger products?”

“No, these are our products, but Kroger, who is our client, partners with us.”

My stomach is getting queasy, and I realize I’ve been duped. This is nothing more than a sales position. A freaking position selling car wax under a tent in the parking lot of major retailers. Retailers who rent their space to Dynamic Concepts, Inc., who call the retailers CLIENTS.

By this definition, my landlord is my client because he lets me use his home to live in. WTH???? (“Honey, did you send a check to our “client” this month to pay our rent?”)

My choice: D.) NONE OF THE ABOVE!

Holy Crap! This company went to a lot of trouble to lie about what they do, so that they could get stupid people to apply for a stupid sales job, who would then be taught how to manage and lie to more stupid people about how to sell stupid products for “clients” who are anything but clients!

On my way home, I began to realize that they saw my resume, and thought I was stupid enough to be taken in by their masquerade. What does that say about me? I’ve struggled with this all weekend, and my ego is bruised badly. I am both angry that there are people out there making money off of lies and dishonest methods, and sad that I was viewed as someone who could be taken in by people making money off of lies and dishonest methods.

My job search has been essentially unproductive, and I’m not sure what to do next. I’ve never considered myself unskilled, but I’m sure beginning to feel that way. Perhaps it’s this way for everyone. I mean, I haven’t looked for a job for more than 10 years. Is this what it’s come to? Lies, dishonesty?

Or, am I simply going about it the wrong way? I have NEVER had trouble finding a job in the previous twenty years of my career. Yet, I am so much more experienced now. I have accomplished amazing feats. I have run a business, and directed a non-profit successfully. But I am under-valued by potential employers.

It seems that when it comes to true/false job searches – false is okay. People make lots of money being false.

It seems that in multiple choice job searches, A or B are appropriate answers, but never apply if your answer is C.) All of the above or D.) None of the above.

Therefore, I have written a 1000 word essay about my job search. Will it help? Will it matter? Heck, I don’t know. I just don’t want to be duped again.

Anyone out there want to hire an “ALL OF THE ABOVE”?



Leadership | Empowerment | Communication